And so, farewell.

I have lost the desire to blog. I no longer feel the need to discuss or write about my family or some of the issues we face. In fact, I am taking a step back from the intrusive side of technology altogether - no more facebook posts, I dipped my toe into twitter and ran away and I am rubbish with my mobile phone. In fact, if you see it, let me know!

I have the feeling that my life is about to change. There is an air of expectancy and unquiet around that has nothing to do with the change of seasons, other that our need to be "out there" in the countryside somewhere instead of shut up in the town.

I am changing too. I have that feeling that if I do not do things now I probably won't in the future. I need to study, to think, to write in a more organised and academic fashion.

I also need to be more present for my family. The past couple of years have been an eye opener for me. I thought I was desparate to be at work, part of a community and stretching myself in that way. I discover though, that the greatest adventure is at home and that I am missing out on being the best mother I can and should and want to be.

Change is coming but I don't want to write through it because I have found that writing as it happens changes what the outcome is. It becomes public property and others can comment. It is, of course, up to me whether I take any notice but it is hard to ignore.

I feel a little like a hermit crab. I've come out and had a look around, but the inside of my shell is enough for me for the moment.

And so, farewell. I will be looking into your lives from time to time but not so often, I think.

Big pants

I have bought Livi some new knickers! The pants in the title are of the English variety, rather than the American, trouser type.

The reason for this shocking revalation is that I have seen more of little girls nether regions that I could have thought possible in the past couple of months, so I got Livi to sit cross legged in front of me and low and behold - too much on show!

In this country it is the norm for all children to wear a school uniform and in most schools there is a choice between skirts and trousers. Livi doesn't have that choice and the little girls in my class have not taken up our kind offer, so every circle time, I am met with a display of knickers and sometimes a little more than that.

At my school we insist on legs crossed and hands in laps, which does help, until some-one gets excited and throws herself backwards!

So - sorry for the slightly TMI vein of this post, but if you have a little girl who likes to wear dresses or skirts to school you need these -



This is not Livi, by the way!

Abigail's poem

Abi won the year 5 poetry competition last year with this poem

Dragons of the Elements

I am the Sea Dragon.
I am in my egg, my fury boiling.
I rock on and on and the water around me turns,
Churns, turns.
And when I hatch I roar,
My wings throwing foam in the air,
My claws rake the cliffs,
My tail churning sand.
Then I lie down,
Flicking my tail.
While I am here
The sea is forever turning,
Churning, turning.

I am the Wind Dragon
Forever blowing and soaring.
I'd flap on and on and the wind around me swells,
Swoops, swells.
And when I am in a rage, I roar,
My wings fly in a tornado,
My claws rake the earth,
My tail cutting the trees.
Then I lay low,
Flicking my wings.
While I am here,
The wind is forever swelling,
Swooping, swelling.

I am the Earth Dragon,
Green and sturdy.
I stomp on and on, trudge,
Stomp, trudge.
And when I am angered, I roar,
My wings tear down the leaves,
My claws rip up the trees,
My tail blows off the grass.
Then I lie low,
Flicking my claws.
While I am here,
The earth is forever trudging,
Stomping, trudging.

I am the Fire Dragon,
Flaring and beautiful.
I soar on and on and I blaze,
Flare, blaze.
And when I am angry I roar,
My wings burn the air,
My claws burn the ground,
My tail dissolving the landscape,
Then I go low,
Flicking my tongue.
While I am here,
The fire is forever blazing,
Flaring, Blazing.

Abigail Max. copyright 2010

Update on the booklet (about you know what!)

To be honest I had forgotten about the little book I wrote for Abi about starting her periods and if I had thought about it I would have expected it to have been lost. However, this evening, as I was reading to Johnny Abi came and put it on my bedside table.

At the back I had left a few pages empty for Abi to write any questions she didn't feel comfortable asking out loud. Whe I gave her the book she didn't write anything there so I imagined that she had no questions. And she didn't back then. However, she did this evening and so she had written them in the back and left me the book.

The questions themselves aren't important. As it happens they were very straight forward. The important thing to me was that having the book had given Abi and opportunity to ask me something that was bothering her in a way that was comfortable for her. I was very happy that she still has it and it is still useful.

The great day still hasn't arrived yet! It must be soon!

The one where I was so proud I cried

Last saturday Abigail took part in her school's talent show - The Abbey's Got Talent. It was a mix of the predictable - three girls dancing to Lady Gaga; the hilarious - a sketch about how The Stone Age in Britain (I nearly wet myself laughing); the moving - a boy sang You Raise me Up like an angel; and Abigail who acted a comic monologue.

I know I am the doting mother and obviously not exactly non-partisan but really! She was wonderful. I have bought the DVD and if I can work out how to load her three minutes onto youtube I will because she was so spectacularly amazing.

She stood up and acted her heart out. Not only that but it was a great performance. The girl has comic timing, and confidence and she stood up in front of 250 people and knocked their socks off.

A week later she is still being stopped by members of the audience and they are telling her how much they enjoyed her performance and how talented she is.

Abi has no idea how to react to all this! I had to whisper "Eye contact" at her this afternoon because a very ernest mummy was trying to tell her how much she had enjoyed it and Abi was staring at the ground! After the ernest mummy had gone to collect her daughter Abigail turned to me and asked "Why is everyone stopping me to tell me how much they enjoyed my act but not the girls who danced to Lady Gaga?"

I left that one hanging in the air for a moment and then replied "Because your act showed how talented you are and it was very funny and people enjoyed seeing you shine and the Lady Gaga girls were sweet to watch but not memorable."

I was rewarded with a massive smile and one of her extra hard huggles!