We went up to London for Cheder (Hebrew School) today. During one of the short rest periods I was chatting with Rabbi Larry. He commented on Johnny's new glasses and said there was some research out that children's eyes were worse now that in previous generations because they went outside so much less.
I must have made a funny face because he then asked if things were different "in the country". Considering we do live in an actual town, with pavements and buses and everything, even big shops with esalators, I thought that was hilarious. But the truth is, we do let our children out. And probably a lot more than is normal in London, which is pretty brutal.
However, I told him that we did indeed allow the children to roam pretty freely to about a couple of miles away from home, so long as they were with another child we trusted and it was light. They also have to have a phone with them. He looked shocked. I also told him about our road with its lack of traffic and splendid amounts of families close at hand. He looked impressed that I often didn't know exactly where my children are but can generally hear them somewhere around.
It was strange because although it is normal to me now, I had to make a conscious decision to allow it to be like that. In fact, I had to talk to other parents and get us all together to make it OK for our kids to wander the neighbourhood in a pack. It was a bit uncomfortable to begin with and I did worry.... but now.
Now, I agree with my friend Jo, who feels that children should be allowed to be free, be a little bit dangerous. The likelihood of there being a disaster is small. Much smaller than the likelihood of bringing up a person who cannot function independently. In the end, if the worst happened then at least the child would have lived life to the full while they were living it, rather than plugged in and switched off.
Make them fall in love part IV
3 hours ago
3 comments:
How wonderful that you can feel safe letting your children roam freely, and that your community is closely knit enough to allow for it. I still struggle with letting Annabelle out of my sight, except with a very select few people. I hope that's something that naturally changes as she grows.
It certainly is something that has developed with the children.
When they were tiny, they rarely left me. The only person I trusted was my mother. I was in a dificult position of having to have another person (my husband's family nanny) who had been with the family for 35 years look after her upstairs for an hour while I taught piano and violin lessons.
One day I went upstairs, having said goodbye to the final pupil to find them both disappeared. I was desparate to feed Abi and they were gone for another hour. I was so upset, even though I knew they were probably fine..... It didn't end too well as by the time they got bak Abi was sreaming with hunger. Luckily we moved out of London soon after so I didn't have to confront any awkward issues!
Younger children always get more freedom than the first because they follow and it is hard to say no to one child going somewhere safe but not to the other. I have monitored and differentiated, obviously. Abi can walk into town but Livi is too young and Johnny is just not interested. We have said no to going to the park alone though. Not yet!!!
I love the fact that your children are developing a sense of
confidence away from you. There is littel real danger in my opinion, especially as you live in the wilderness! Love the Rabbi called Larry, just perfect.
And the school stuff, ah me, it's tough stuff, isn't it? We have friends whose son has been signed off school with stress. He is back in now but it was hard for a while. He is five. FIVE. Something is wrong with our modern lives for this to be an issue for a five year old child, especially as I don't think it's unusual. I hope Livi can focus on what she loves and does well as that's where her joy is and that's what she needs to be feeling. Love to you all.
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