Cracking up

I am not allowed to crack up this season - it is Ed's turn. We are very fair about such things, taking it in turns. If one is feeling fragile the other takes a turn at being the strong one. Looks like it is my turn to be strong.

So, in the interests of mental health, I am about to perform a Brain-Splat. This is the technical term for a stream of consciousness type ramble through the hinter-land of my mind, letting loose any trapped or supressed worries and stresses in the hope that they and I will be happier when they are liberated.

Here goes.

Ed hates his job. Ed has always hated all his jobs that are not theatre based. He was forced into all the hated jobs by the advent of children, who demanded money in order to live. For many years he resented the children for needing regular money to live and me for not providing the money for the children to live. He has overcome this in the past ocuple of years thanks to a fabulous shrink who has helped him face his internal conversation and sort out the different voices and come to terms with his life as it is now. He is very happy with family life now, which makes it just as hard as resenting it, as he has to be away from us for half the week to work.

Ed has an inerview for a job that he wants, desparately, intensely and completely. If he does not get this job he is threatening to give up the hated job anyway because he cannot face continuing with the hated job. Having seen a potential future that includes a job that he desparately wants he can barely make himself drive off every monday, or to stay there until his working week is over.

If Ed gives up his job we will be living on ten grand a year. This is not possible. What on earth do we do next? I can see that having a job you hate is not good. Especially when it involves being away from home for three days every week. I can also see that having not enough money coming in is not good. We are in the middle of the worst financial crisis for 80 years and my husband wants to give up his part time job because he doesn't like it. Part of me feels a little bitter about that. I haven't articulated that thought to him, by the way!!

If Ed gets this job and it doens't work out being the dream job he dreams about in his dreams, is he going to throw the rattle out of the pram with this as well and want to give this up too?

Maybe I should look for a second job that pays masses for weekend work or something, completely financially support the family and leave the house work and children to Ed?

Nope, no, I can't see that working out. There are a few flaws.

I would go mad if the house were left to Ed to manage. It would be a candidate for "How clean is your house" within a month.

Also, I need a lot of sleep. A scenario that doesn't include enough sleep is not viable.

Here endeth the Brain-Splat.