French children don't throw food

People are going mad about this book. They seem to hate it and resent everything about it.

I bought it and read it before it went viral on the web and if you are interested to hear what I thought, read on!

I really enjoyed the book. I read it in the bath over a few nights and I found it amusing. I read it as if it were an autobiography, rather than as a parenting manual, which it does not pretend to be.

To me, it was more a comment on how different the French, Parisian culture that Druckerman found herself in, was to the American culture she left behind. She was confused by the parenting she saw because she did not have the cultural background to understand it. This is an exploration of the culture and Druckerman's efforts to gain an insight.

There were some parts that I found really fascinating. The French, it seems, see children as tiny little humans. I love this phrase. I sometimes refer to children as "short people" when their parents are worrying about how well they are doing compared with other children. Yes they are growing, learning and adding to their personalities and characters as they grow but they weren't born incomplete needing parents to complete them by making sure they learn to read, or ride bikes or do stuff. Children need to be seen as people in their own right and allowed the time and experience to grow themselves, at their own rate. I loved the use of the word "discover". Children are allowed to discover water, the park, music, food etc. Not through special classes where they move through a structured programme of discovery but by being allowed to play with it. Toddlers toddle about. Any classes they do are freeflow and about "experiencing". Obviously, I don't know first hand if this is universally true but I love the idea.

I took Johnny to a TumbleTots taster class once. We only lasted about half of it. There was all this fantastic indoor climbing stuff, the weather outside was miserable, so no chance of going to the park, even in full waterproofs and boots, so this looked like a great option. We weren't allowed on any of it. The person running the class wanted all the children and parents sitting in a circle to sing songs and then play with a parachute. It was a nightmare. Johnny kept making a break for the climbing stuff and I kept being told to bring him back. Eventually I asked if there would be free play at the end of the session. Tha answer was no so we left and made ourselves an obstacle course at home. He was 18 months old! All he wanted was to "discover" and "explore". A class with that emphasis would have been perfect.

Another big part of the book is about manners. I like manners. I am pretty strict about them. We live in a society that has a strong structure that relies on manners. All societies have some kind of structure of this kind. We are human, we seem to need them. They play an important role in making connections with other people. It is very noticable that my firends, some of whom do not make an effort to teach their children manners because the children are "too young", love having my children to play because they are well mannered and are a good influence on their children. It was and is hard work, bringing children up to have good manners. The great thing is that my children, although not perfect, can go into any kind of social situation and know how to behave. It gives them self confidence and grace. It allows their lovely, quirky characters to be enjoyed and appreciated. Saying Hello and Goodbye, Please and Thankyou are the beginning. At school our routine is to greet the children with a handshake and a goodmorning. It does not come naturally to them and we have to remind them. However, a parent told me that her child's beautiful manners were commented on at a family wedding and he told the person he had learnt how to do it at school. He had been given the tools to fit into his society and it made a difference. His mother reported that his behaviour was amazing because he had a positive model to fulfil.

I know that obedience is a hot potato as a topic and Druckerman faced up to it squarely in this book. French children are expected to obey their parents without a fuss. I am half and half on this issue. I like to have a discussion about the whys and wherefores, but only at the right time. I have a stock phrase, which is "Do it now, we'll talk about it later." so the children know that we will have a discussion but I havevery good reasons for it happening, at least in my view. If we discuss it later and we decide I was wrong (it does happen) then I thank them for obeying me then and we discuss what the alternatives could be and decide on one for future reference.

There are times when obedience is necessary, like when I don't want to hav e a discussion about something in front of an interested third party. I use the wide eyes for that situation! I use narrow "death glare" eyes for catching and stopping unwanted behaviour! It generally works and no words are necessary.

The final thing I liked was the idea of a "Betise". This is a little naughtiness. We don't have a word that mirrors it in English. You are either "good" or "naughty" and naughty could mean anything from singing under your breath to annoy your sister, to setting fire to her bedroom. A "betise" is a little naughtiness that warrants a mention but not a sit on the naughty step (whoever invented that deserves to sit on one for years!) or sending to your room. I like this because I can see that fromsomeone like my husband, who has a tendency to fly off the handle if things don't go his way, particuarly when stressed, to be able to see that it is a "betise" puts it into perspective and prevents things from escalating.

There is much else in this book. I like the final chapter "Let him live his life", which has much in that I agree with, particularly about physical freedom and freedom from the fear of paedophiles. I let Abi and Livi walk into town last week. It is a mile walk in, across three roads, through a public park and over a pelican crossing. They had a fantastic time going to the sweet shop and the toy shop and looking into other shops. I think they went into the Apple shop and played on the displays! They then gave me a call to say they were on their way back and were home half an hour later. They were gone for over two hours, just the two of them. This tye of trust and freedom is very important. It makes my friends raise their eyebrows and their children beg to come to my house! I have to promise some parents I won't let them out of my garden and keep the gates closed, they are so worried about what might happen. As my friend Jo, who has six children, says, better to let them enjoy thier lives while they can. If something awful does happen (and it is highly unlikely that it does) then at least they will have had a good life.

So, French children don't throw food - a good, funny book. It doens't pretend to be an expert's view. It doesn't pretend to be balanced or well rounded. It is one person's attempt to understand the culture she is living in. Interestingly,she doesn't adopt a completely French attitude to upbringing, she takes what she likes. just as we all do, when we are allowed to experience new things.

What do you think? Have you read the book? Did you like it or hate it? Do you think the articles and critcism have missed the point or do you think they are spot on?