Right now

I warn you. This is a very self-indulgent, rambling sort of a post. Don't feel you have to read it. It has done me good to write it!

I couldn't sleep last night. I did my usual tric of going to sleep without a problem but woke with a jump at 1.30am, wide awake and thinking in technicolour.

I hate that time of the night. If it happens when Ed is away I prowl around the room, read for a bit, even have a bath but I feel guilty for waking him up and lie as quielty as possible, waiting for the end of the three hours when I can fall asleep again.

One thing that occured to me last night, that still makes sense this morning is that I don't get enough exercise. I haven't left the house since Tuesday. That is partly because Livi had a tummy bug and was puking all Tuesday night and Wednesday morning but Ed was around. He took the older two swimming, went shopping, went out and about. I don't really know how it happened that he escaped and I didn't. I am fairly sure it wasn't by design!

The technicolour thoughts last night were all about the type of exercise I could do.

I was throughly put off all sports at school, with the uncomfortable PE kit and the lack of encouragement for exercise for the sake of enjoyment and fitness. At my school it was all about being the hero in the A team. I was nowhere near any team and so, as soon as I got to Uni I did no formal exercise. I did a lot of walking. Huddersfield is a hilly town and I live at the top of the hill and the Uni was at the bottom. I got fit and slim.

Then, in London I couldn't drive and it was expensive to use the bus so I bought a bike and cycled everywhere. London is surprisingly hilly and I live at the top of a hill so getting home was always uphill! Once I had the babies I was always walking, pushing prams or carrying them in slings. Often I had one in the sling and one in the buggy and we had to walk long distances to get where we wanted to go. I was still fit and slim.

The rot started when we moved to North Yorkshire. The distances were too long to walk and I had to learn to drive. Post-natal depression and living in a little village with two babies slowed me right down. I lost my walking mojo and it hasn't completely returned.

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, using the Wii-fit. It stayd off for a while and then slowly crept on. My problem now is that I have very little time to walk. My day to say life involves driving the kids around, adrenalin pumping, in order to get them to their schools on time and then to mine on time. There is no time during the school day and the temptation to eat cake and drink tea is overwhelming. I often give in.

So, back to the Wii-fit and no  more excuses about walking. I can fit in a couple of good hour long walks a week. I think that if I can lose the stone and a half that has crept back on, and keep it off with walking, and saying "no" to cake, which I don't even like much.