Parallel lives

Other people

2012-01-28T10:40:00.000Z

How do other people manange to hold their lives together?

I am not doing anything too unusual. I work. I look after three children, and my husband and I share housework. There are things would like to do but have literally no time for. Go for a walk - when? At midnight after I finish preparing for the next day. Read a book? Take my biology GCSE? Improve my Hebrew? Support Abigail with her Hebrew as she prepares for her Bat Mitzvah? Take Johhny to a rugby ground for half an hour for kicking practice? Garden? Go out at the weekend?

Ha - here's a funny one. a firend was pset that she and her husband get no time together without the children (hers not his). I suggested the kids were 10 and 15 and old enough to be left in the evening occasionally while the adults went out for a date. Genius. Poor Ed. He laughed when I told him and asked when we were going to have a date night. It has been a long, LONG time since we had a night out together, definitely over a year.

Why is it that I have spent the last three and a half years on the edge? I go in cycles, I know that. Sometimes I get in control and set up little routines that make things go more smoothly but it is a fragile control and nothing in particular can send it all into a tail spin of forgotten work, lost sports kit, music practice not done for weeks, homework becoming a total stress. All these things happen when I stop functioning at top performance. I am desparately tired of putting on a good face and keeping the tears for late at night when I can't face any more but have to otherwise tomorrow will be a disaster. The amount of times I have to find quiet space at school to have a good blink and a deep breath. Sometimes that is enough.

But I can't keep going like that all the time.

Something gives and it is usually me, followed very swiftly by the rest of the family, one after another as I fail to keep the infrastructure of our days intact.

What is the answer?

At the moment I cannot give it.

Maybe in a few days, or hours, depending on how Ed's interview went yesterday and whether he gets the damn job. For we are in limbo, waiting for the phone to ring, for a yes or a no.

If it is a no, we are into strange territory. I fully expect Ed to want to give up his current job. He is also falling apart. If that happens and he puts himself back on the supply teacher's lists then we will have to do whatever we have to do on a day by day basis. Not good for my sanity!

If it is a yes then we may be able to afford for me to stop work. If that happens I can get us sorted out again. We will have to tighten our belt staps but we're doing ok at the moment, a bit of tightening will be a good thing in many ways.

Bottom line, million pound question is, who am I living for? Who am I working for? What comes first, family, or myself, or can I somehow manage things better and get us all on an equal footing?

I know that I feel that family should come first. At the moment my list is family, work, me. Me doesn't get much time. If it were family, me, there would be time for me which would be ...... nice.

So - a phone call will decide which conversation we have.

Is it any surprise I have been shaking all week? Must be the pent up adrenalin. Fight or flight? Or both?

Saying sorry

2012-01-22T14:49:00.000Z

After the fun of the circus yesterday, we went to Cheder (Hebrew School) today.

Abigail and John Magnus (and yes they do deserve their whole names, both of them) behaved like utter beasts. At half time the Rabbi told me they were fighting with each other and not listening to him. Of course, I was not having that. We go to his house, he and his daughter give up their time, they are not paid for these lessons.

I guided them very swiftly into understanding that they had crossed a boundry and their behaviour was unacceptable. As we had been dropped off there was no possibility of removing them to the car and anyway, they are old enough to understand that they have a responisbility to behave and I wanted them to make the choice to behave well for the second half.

When they realised that it was no laughing matter and that they had treated the Rabbi with disrespect they were very chastened and gave a verbal apology. The two of them are now sitting at the kitchen table writing a letter of apology.

Although this may seem a bit over the top I have a few reasons for this. One reason is that Rabbi Larry is a very sensitive soul. It is important to him that the children enjoy the lessons, learn about their faith and language and want to return. He therefore does not like to get cross with them. Secondly, saying sorry is a hard thing to do. I know too many adults who cannot say sorry. It takes a certain amount of guts to be able to say why you are sorry. Thirdly, writing a sorry note is a skill that we all need from time to time.

Once they have written the letters and sent them off, we will not specifically mention this again.

circus

2012-01-22T14:25:00.000Z

We took the kids to the Albert Hall (in London!) this week-end.

We went to see Cirque Du Soleil. They are a fabulous circus company that is based in Canada but tour all over the world. Their over-all concept is that we are all born equal and deserve respect. They carry this through to not including animals in the acts as animals can only be trained and made to perform through cruelty. I could never take the children to see a circus with animals in. Each show has a theme or a story that every act ties into somehow, so that the show becomes more than just a series of dare-devil acts and clowning sequences and becomes a whole, beautiful story.

What they do have are world class performers from all around the world. The lighting, costumes and scenery are absolutely breath-taking. We we not allowed to take photos of the performance we saw so I have pulled some publicity photos off the internet.

The children absolutely loved it. We are incredibly lucky that my parents-in-law buy four seats at the Albert Hall every season - this means that we do not have to buy tickets. Because we can go every year this was the second time the children had seen this show, which can be more of a delight than the first time because it is possible to take more in.

She said

2012-01-18T07:11:00.000Z

Livi - aged 7 said

When I grow up and get married I will not tell my husband what to do all the time

You might marry a lady, not a man. Said I

No, I don't think so. I think some girls are very beautiful but I don't fancy them or anything!

How's that for definite about your sexuality! I wonder if it changes? At least we are talking about it!

All the "one days"

2012-01-15T20:17:00.000Z

Johhny had the ball.

He was moving fast but as if in slow motion.

The tackles came in but he side-stepped, dodged and dummied, ran like the wind and finally, dived over the try line.

His father, my husband was punching the air like a maniac.

The boys on the pitch were high-fiving in the frosty air. My boy, came jogging back down the field to restart the game

and it hit me.

I wait.

I look forward to the time when, one day, my child will do that something special.

I could spend my life looking forward. Thinking that today is building up to that "one day". That we are paying forward somehow, with our time or effort or money.

But in Johhny's face I saw.

Today.

Today was "one day".

He was utterly in the moment, using every bit of skill and knowledge he had to build the try.

He was ecstatic. Accepted, within an hour of starting to play with this new team. Getting coaching that stretched him beyond anything he had experienced before. Both parents watching him. It was all his dreams come true.

He has new "one days" already. He aims high. The A team, coaching with the nearest professional team, trying out for the best county teams.

But today, he savoured. Today was a "one day" come true.

So often I forget to enjoy, savour the dreams come true. I am already moving onto the next dream without really soaking up the present dream that has just come true. There are so many.

One day, Johhny wanted to play for the Ipswich Rugby Club. He dreamed that the boys on the team would be friendly. He dreamed that the coach would say well done. He dreamed he would get the chance to show what he could really do.

Today, that dream came true.

Tomorrow could be "one day" too.

Dinner

2012-01-13T19:00:00.000Z

Dinner tonight is Jerusalem mix.

Spice mix of kidney, liver and chicken heart. It should have lambs testicles in too but they are hard to come by!

The kids should love it.

I have the normal version - beef and chicken in the same sauce.

Ed is cooking by the way. If it were me it would be cheese omelettes all round!

Cracking up

2012-01-12T21:50:00.000Z

I am not allowed to crack up this season - it is Ed's turn. We are very fair about such things, taking it in turns. If one is feeling fragile the other takes a turn at being the strong one. Looks like it is my turn to be strong.

So, in the interests of mental health, I am about to perform a Brain-Splat. This is the technical term for a stream of consciousness type ramble through the hinter-land of my mind, letting loose any trapped or supressed worries and stresses in the hope that they and I will be happier when they are liberated.

Here goes.

Ed hates his job. Ed has always hated all his jobs that are not theatre based. He was forced into all the hated jobs by the advent of children, who demanded money in order to live. For many years he resented the children for needing regular money to live and me for not providing the money for the children to live. He has overcome this in the past ocuple of years thanks to a fabulous shrink who has helped him face his internal conversation and sort out the different voices and come to terms with his life as it is now. He is very happy with family life now, which makes it just as hard as resenting it, as he has to be away from us for half the week to work.

Ed has an inerview for a job that he wants, desparately, intensely and completely. If he does not get this job he is threatening to give up the hated job anyway because he cannot face continuing with the hated job. Having seen a potential future that includes a job that he desparately wants he can barely make himself drive off every monday, or to stay there until his working week is over.

If Ed gives up his job we will be living on ten grand a year. This is not possible. What on earth do we do next? I can see that having a job you hate is not good. Especially when it involves being away from home for three days every week. I can also see that having not enough money coming in is not good. We are in the middle of the worst financial crisis for 80 years and my husband wants to give up his part time job because he doesn't like it. Part of me feels a little bitter about that. I haven't articulated that thought to him, by the way!!

If Ed gets this job and it doens't work out being the dream job he dreams about in his dreams, is he going to throw the rattle out of the pram with this as well and want to give this up too?

Maybe I should look for a second job that pays masses for weekend work or something, completely financially support the family and leave the house work and children to Ed?

Nope, no, I can't see that working out. There are a few flaws.

I would go mad if the house were left to Ed to manage. It would be a candidate for "How clean is your house" within a month.

Also, I need a lot of sleep. A scenario that doesn't include enough sleep is not viable.

Here endeth the Brain-Splat.

300

2012-01-11T19:50:00.000Z

This is my 300th post. That seems really quite amazing. I cannot beleive that I have sat down 300 times to think and then actually type about whatever is on my mind. I wonder about the people who read my blog. I know a few in real life, I know a few through their blogs. The rest of the time, I am just throwing words out in the ether and not worrying about who is readin or why. I can see from my stats that not many people drop by and that is fine. I like my little corner here. It is without the stress of having to write regularly, and I am certainly not interested in making money, so, it continues as it is, sometimes many posts in a week, sometimes quiet for a while.

This has been an interesting week for us at home and from what my husband has just said to me, it may be aboutn to get more interesting. He went to the Diabetes Eye Clinic today, and something is "serious and we need to talk." I hope he isn't going blind.

In other news, Abigail decided that she no longer felt comfortable going to Chapel. After an email to her head of year, an eamail back from her and a phone call from the chaplain, it is all sorted. She is going to be excused form Chapel, I am arranging some books recommended by our Rabbi and she is happy. That is good because she is a bit on the stressy side - some hair pulling and a lot of tears. It is perfectly normal in a girl of her age, apart from the hair pulling, lots of love and support and we'll get through it.

We put solar panels on the roof. So far it has been pretty grey and dark but we have generated about 50 kilowatts. It will be rather more exciting in the summer. We are eco-warriors!

Unsettled

2012-01-06T19:35:00.000Z

Bugger.

Every now and again I get this feeling that I am not living the life I should have been living. That somehow I took a wrong turning and am trapped in a situation that I unwittingly chose.

I chose to do the wrong degree. Music - what use is that?

I didn't work and only got a 2:2. Everyone knows you need a 2:1 at the very least and a first if possible in order to get anywhere.

I opted to continue my studies, doing a post-grad certificate in music performance. I chose to do it part-time so it was two years of study. I knew after two months that I hated it. I carried on anyway and failed the entire course by 2%. Stupid. I should have admitted much earlier that it was not right for me and changed things.

What did I want to do? I didn't know then and I don't know now.

Good things I did that I don't regret:

I got married and had three beautiful children.
I converted to Judaism.
I did the Montessori course but I should have got the teaching practice. Typical me to leave it and not carry it through to the bitter end.

What is up now?

Not sure. I am getting bored. I enjoy my life but there is something missing.

Sometimes I think I should be at home, keeping the home running and keeping on top of what the family is doing and needs. At the moment we very much live minute to minute. We react. I don't have time to plan or to organise beyond the absolute necessary. I always feel out of control and don't sleep well.
I would like to do a degree that is useful, that I am passionate about but a degree is not enough to get a good job these days. I need a Masters. I should look for something that I could do now, without any extra undergraduate study, but where aould that leave us.

If Ed gets this job and the pay is good enough, I may get a bit of time to think, to organise, to get in control, to sleep well and make soem decisions.

In the meantime, I need to make some decisions so I can stop feeling trapped. It has been too many years of feeling that I missed a train. Time to find the right one and hop on.

Multiplying

2012-01-03T19:28:00.000Z

No - I am not adding to the family, this is about Livi and her fear of maths.

I completely understand this fear. I felt it for years, starting around her age. It started for me, as it has with her, with multiplication.

Adding and subtracting is fine. Generally this is learnt, or at least the concept is learnt while children are pretty small and are naturally given jobs to do that include adding or subracting. We ask them to bring two more forks to the table and they count them and discover that there are now five. They eat a sweet and find they only have four left. We chat to them as they pootle through their day and with a bit of gentle un-noticed teaching they get the concepts.

Multiplication is different.

This is not introduced until the time that most mainstream schools have put away the manipulatives and are working in the abstract - something that happens heartbreakingly early in the UK. We are told by the teachers that they are learning through games and fun activities and so they are, at Livi's school. But that does not change the fact that there is nothing available to use to help work out te answers to these fun games. Either the child has already memorised the number facts necessary to succeed or they haven't. If they haven't then they have nothing to work out the answer with. In fact, it is seen as cheating.

In order to counteract this, and because Livi has consistantly worried about multiplication even before it has been introduced we have been "doing maths" every day this holiday. At Livi's request and only for as long as she is interested. Some days it has been seconds and others it has been almost an hour. It has been only the two times table and it has been very repetitive.

I do not have enough short bead stairs at home to be able to work on this concept as I would at school but we started off the same way.

We started with the golden beads and multiplying four digit numbers with no changing. This is so that Livi had the greatest possible chance of understanding that 1221 x 4 is the same as 1221 + 1221 + 1221 + 1221. Understanding that multiplication is the same as repeated addition is the most important thing.

This is not my picture.

After a few days Livi told me that this was all very well but that she would be "doing" the two times table when she got back to school so could we "do" that. So we did.

This is not my picture.

Instead of the short bead stairs we used unifix cubes. I find these are a great stand in for all sorts of Montessori materials if the materials are too expensive for home use, especially as I have no intention of home schooling. We put them together into pairs and lined them up (like soldiers, apparently). Liv already knows how to skip count in twos so I asked her to count the pairs in the quickest way she knew how. With a bit of prodding she got the idea and was able to move from simply skip counting them, to being able to tell me how many there were in a particular group.

At this point I became very careful about my language. I asked her to "take 3 groups" or to "take 3 lots of" two. This is because the word multiply means very little to a six/seven year old. It makes more sense to talk about three lots/groups of two. You can see it in front of you and hold the image in your head.

We did lots of this kind of work for a week. The, this week, Livi was very keen to use a new notebook and so we started to write down the work she was doing.

First we wrote it down in order - 1 x 2 = 2, 2 x 2 = 4 etc. As she wrote it we said together, 1 group of two equals 2, 2 groups of 2 equals 4 etc. It took a lot of repetition. In her book this is written out about five times. This is because when we returned to it the next day she could sort of remember it but not quite until she had had another presentation and then she wanted to do it again. Each day she needed less input from me and finally she brought me her book and she had done it without me knowing it was "maths time" and told me she wanted something a bit harder. All this time she was still using the soldiers to help her work out each answer. I think she could do it without but she wasn't ready to let go.

I asked her to bring the soldiers to her note book and wrote three questions out of order. 3 x 2 =, 5 x 2 = , 8 x 2 =. She ended up doing a page of mixed questions and by the end of the page she was not using the soldiers any more. We did a few more days of this, and each day she became more confident.

Today she wanted to stay with the two time table but wanted something harder. I therefore mixed addition and subraction into the questions so that she really had to read each question. I also reversed the order of the multiplication so that she could see that the position of the numbers in a multiplication question doesn't matter - 2 x 4 is the same as 4 x 2. She got it with a sudden PING of understanding.

She also didn't use the unifix cubes today at all. They were upstairs and we were downstairs.

It has been very interesting to be alongside Livi as she has learnt this. I have enough knowledge to know what to do next and she completely trusts me. It has been entirely positive.

As we went along I asked Livi a few questions.

How do you learn best - listening, watching or doing? Doing.
Do you usually understand first time or do you need to see and hear more than once before you get instructions? Lots of times and it is best if I read it.
You are good at maths so what is it that makes you think you are not good? At school we only get one go at getting it right then we sit down. I feel all flustered and can't think, so I always get it wrong.
Did you always feel like that? Last year with Mrs Ford, for instance? No, last year it was ok. I liked maths and I didn't get worritted. This year we have to be so fast that I can't think straight.

There is lots here that makes me feel cross with the school. Just because a particular teacher has a learning style, it is wrong to impose it on the whole class. This whole memorising and mental maths thing is so wrong at this age, but it is country wide and the easiest way to teach.

I also have concerns because I have been wondering for a while if Livi has similar processing problems to Abi and although they are not as severe if she does, the dip in confidence is not something I am happy to see. I hope that by working with me, like this, she will be able to work at her pace and not feel worried. We have arranged for her to go "down" to the "bottom set" this term, which may help as the pace is slower and hopefully there might even be some manipulatives to help them. Livi, incidently is very keen on this move! I am not keen on the teacher who is a tall, set in her ways, Scots lady. That is only relelvant because she gets more and more Scots sounding the more annoyed she is, until in the end no-one can understand her, parent or child!

In the meantime, I am ready to go in at extremely short notice, to fight Livi's corner and stop her from feeling rubbish about herself.

I would say, wish me luck, but I think it may be Mrs Norman who needs it

Jaded!

2012-01-01T20:02:00.000Z

Last night was a good night.

We stepped out of character and accepted an invitation to celebrate with friends, staying the night and trying to go with the flow.

I have to admit that when that included not minding that the children were still awake at one this morning and they were flying high on the hyper scale and finding it hard to sleep on the floor, I did consider whether the flow might wash us back home right then.

However, I managed to relax and go with it and we survived. This morning we ( fifteen children and ten adults) went for a bracing walk and then had a fry-up for brunch. And it was fun.

This afternoon I did the only thing that I could think of that would allow me to survive until evening without a nap and took the girls to see the film Hugo. I have to admit I rather liked it.

Now it is eight in the evening and the children are washed and waiting to be tucked up so off I go, and then into bed I will go too.

Because if I don't I will go and have a second supper and that is probably something I should avoid!

Summing up

2011-12-27T21:45:00.000Z

I know we haven't quite hit the weekend and end of the year yet but my thoughts are turning, with the year, to the new. And before that happens I would like to take stock of all the things that have happened this year, good and bad.

Sorry, by the way, but this is entirely for my benefit and if it gets boring please feel free to leave and return next time I post. I'll try not to be too selfish!

So, the not so good.

Ed's health. In my ordinary life there are very few (Sam, Kayleigh and Hannah) who know how I feel about Ed and his diabetes. To most people I seem the supportive and non-judgemental wife. In fact, I would guess from Ed's comments that he has no idea how I really feel. That is how I want to keep it. Just between ourselves though, I have to fight myself to be supportive and non-judgemental to his face because what I really want to yell is "Are you kidding? You brought this on yourself and now you are miserable because you have cateracts/disturbed vision/cuts on your legs that heal SOOOO slowly/ claim that you can only diet when you are happy and can't see that unless you diet you never will be happy so just get on with it and stop making excuses and diet.

The kids still fight. I know - it is normal. It is healthy. It drives me insane and I say/shout awful things to stop them. My least good parenting moments come when I have had sibling arguements all day and nothing I have done has helped. I have all the books, try all the strategies and still - epic arguements. I am tempted next time to lock them in the back garden for half an hour and let them sort it out in the cold (and hopefully rain) and they'll be sograteful to get back inside that they will stop arguing. Maybe!!!!

I haven't done anything about the biology GCSE or whatever I am going to do after it. I have a yearning to learn more and be better qualified but really have still not made a decision about how I am going to go about it. There is the possibility of a course being run that is a Montessori 6-9 degree with Qualified Teacher Status confered with it. That would be the answer to all my prayers as I would love to do the 6-9 course, seeing as I am teaching that age group. I would also love to have QTS as that is the govornment recognition of teacher status and is what I would need to teach elsewhere (although that is not something I am thinking of at the moment bu might if Ed's health fails or he dies. (It's possible. I am a realist.) I would also like to do a degree in child development or education but need to know where either course would take me. I woudl also love to be an education psychologist but I think that would mean starting again.

Abigail. She is still pulling her hair. There are no patches, thank goodness but the underlying worry and the stress is still and always there. I know there is no easy way and no cure but I wish I could somehow help her over it. One problem for me is, I know that her school can be very stressful particularly for girls. I felt it and had many years of not eating properly and throwing up meals. I don't want her going down that route. Why do we send her there? Because the upside of the school is that there is so much that is positive for her going on there and she loves her friends and the lessons and the extra-curricula activites. I know that I am the kind of person to want to opt out of society and to reject what the majority holds to be important, particularly when it comes to what children "should" be doing and when.

My dad has to have heart surgery at the beginning of January. What more can I say? He had better make it, that's all.

The good.

We are happy. We are a loving family and I know that the bad is far out-weighed by the good. Everyone has days when it all goes pearshaped, at least the overall pattern of our relationships seems to be healthy and nurturing. I think it is a good thing that I constantly ask myself if I am doing the right thing for each child because in doing so, I am conciously "following the child" and that must mean that althought they don't get equal, they do get needed.

School. I love my job. I find it stressful and tiring sometimes and often think that three days a week would be perfect but we can't afford for me to drop another day. In fact, at the moment, we would save money if I stopped working because of tax breaks and I would spend less on clothes and travel and other stuff. However, I have faith that this year will change that and in return I will work as hard as I ever have done.
In the past year I have done some things to make my life easier, including creating a record keeping system. My next step is to plan and create a planning record and a marking rationale so that record keeping, work setting and marking are all matched up and work alongside each other.

My extended family.
Ed's family has been very welcoming this year as we have trotted up and down to London for Hebrew lessons and other Jewish events. They have been welcoming even when there was no other reason to go other than to see them! My nephew celebrated his Bar Mitzvah in style a month ago and made us very proud.
My family is great and I am very happy that we all live so near to each other. One brother told us today that he and his wife are expecting their third baby in August, so very early days yet but very exciting!

Abi. She has got through the difficult year six, as we hoped and tried to help happen, without falling apart under the stress of the entrance exam. She has blossomed into a beautiful and humourous young lady and is intelligent and fairly hardworking and most importantly, mostly happy at school and at home and with her friends. She got an A1 in maths - a first! We have told her that if she never gets an A again we don't care and are proud of that one. I never got an A in maths, in fact, I don't think I got an A in any academic subject. All pressure off, we are just trying to get her to enjoy that one! She has much to learn, as she ought to at her age! However, she seems to be enjoying growing up.

Johnny. This kid defines himself through sport. He loves whatever he plays and has a lot of natural talent. We are having to begin making some dicisions about how much we push him into particular sports as various people have made noises about having extra coaching. However, these sports include rugby, football, tennis and cricket. Surely, aged nine, he should just be enjoying himself? How do we/he choose between four different sports? He is also a nice little cellist and pianist and plays music for pleasure and to release tension. His report was hilarious. Everything is going nicely except for presentation. Really? He is nine and he hates writing. Be thankful he presents anything! He has a few ongoing problems with kids at school. I think, reading between the lines that the daily football games are a matter of life and death for some kids and they resent him for being naturally such a good sportsman and so he gets it in the neck. Many of our bedtime chats have been about how to reduce the meaness directed at him. Sometimes it has worked, sometimes not. He has come to understand that the lunchtime games are not his time to shine, as this means he gets accused of "hogging the ball" when in fact, no-one can tackle him. He is now trying to pass the ball, even if it means losing the ball and using the opportunity to practice different types of pass depending on who is recieving the ball.

Livi - is no longer a baby and I am trying very hard to give in to her demands to be treated like one. I have tried to find out what is being achieved from her point of view, and I think it is getting more attention. So I am working hard to make sure that she gets some good 1-1 time with me and this seems to be helping. Her confidence in her school work was sky high this time last year. It has plummeted this year and I hate to hear her say that she is rubbish at maths or finds it hard to concentrate. As this is eerily like Abi I am keepng a wary eye on her. She certainly finds it very hard to get maths concepts and the schools insistance that everyone memorises without real understanding is a big disadvantage. However, all schools have this methodology and as we are certainly not going to home school and I am dubious in the extreme about having a child of my own at my school, we shall have to manage as best we can.
She is a very funny child, with a well developed sense of humour. She loves the ridiculous, which is lucky, living with me! She loves her dolls and plays with them for hours. She is stubborn and will go without a meal rather than force down one mouthful of a food she has decided she doesn't like/want. As we have learnt from bitter experience that she will not let herself go really hungry we try to avoid the confrontations as far as possible, trying to honour her autonomy in deciding how much she wants to eat, while sticking with the family rule that only one meal is served to the entire family and everyone has to partake. We know what each child really does not like and wouldn't drea of forcing her to eat a food she hates. When it is a mind game, however, she is out of luck because I do not like having my buttons pushed and can be more stubborn than her. Besides which, I can still pick her up and put her to bed. Which I did, just last night as it happens. She was asleep in 30 seconds, there-by confirming my gut feeling that she was not hungry but was exhausted.

Ed - despite his struggles with weight (although he is losing it slowly but surely) there is plenty more to this lovely man. He is truly a joy to be married to. He cooks, he does the laundry, he shares in the upbringing of the children and usually follows my lead. He won't read the books but likes to get a digest of it from me, usually late at night, complete with how this relates to each child individually. He has absorbed the Montessori ethos, how it works at school and how it works at home and although it is the complete opposite of what he experienced growing up and is therefore alien to him, he puts it into practice, at times better than me!
He is funny, witty, loving, incredibly intelligent, loving, a great cook, terrible at tidying up (truly, I have to give him lists with bullet points so he knows how to tidy a particular room but at least he does it!), did I mention loving? I can't imagine many men who would listen to me rabbiting on about school and education and child development and be happy to have a conversation about it!

So - there was my year, in bits and pieces.

I hope yours was good and your new year is happy.
love
Anna xxxx

You're beautiful

2011-12-22T19:51:00.000Z

You're beautiful,

You're beautiful, it's true.

My beautiful, hideous, wonderful children!

Third night

2011-12-22T19:21:00.000Z

The third night of Hannuckah. No doughnuts or Latkes tonight but lots of family fun with my brother, sister-in-law and nephews.

Tomorrow, a quiet day, shopping and preparing for Sunday and Livi and I have our time together ( which my children very sweetly call "mummy-time"). We have decided on going to watch Arthur Christmas together. I have said no to pop-corn or drinks because I always do but we will sneak something in! Last time we took home-made cinnamon pop-corn and the people on the row behind us asked me where they could buy it because it smelt so good!

Second night of Hannuckah

2011-12-21T21:26:00.000Z

Tonight is the second night and we had friends round again!

This time it was just the Goodwyns but there are so many of them, with Holly's carer, Sabrina too, that the house feels full.

Ed made latkes and bought doughnuts and we just talked and ate and lit candles and said the prayers and everyone tumbled in and out and was happy.

Pippa bought her flute and played me Christmas carols. She has been promising to play to me for ages but is shy. Somehow, Lynne managed to get the flute into the car and I went and asked her to come and play to me. She didn't need any encouragement and played beautifully. Some of the carols have a second part so I played them on the violin. Lynne filmed us. I hope that Pips watches it and sees how good she is. It was so much fun playing with her and seeing her enjoy playing. She jsut needs encouraging and a little confidence.

Holly wanted me to play burp tennis but I didn't have it in me today. I managed a really good "bollocks" which went down very well!

I am so enjoying sharing Hannuckah this year. We will definitely do the same next year. It feels like a real celebration this year.

Tomorrow is my nephew, Joseph's, eighth birthday. We have my two brothers, plus wives and children coming tomorrow at three to celebrate. It's a good thing we have tomorrow morning to get ready!

Nearly ready

2011-12-20T15:46:00.000Z

We are having a party tonight in honour of Hannuckah. We usually celebrate it quietly and just with immediate family. Now that the children are older and have expressed in so many ways how proud they are of their heritage and religion we thought it would be a good thing to widen our celebrations. Tonight we have as many as fourty people coming round. Most are friends of the children, coming with their families, to help us celebrate.

On the menu are Latkes and doughnuts, plus drinks and nibbles!

Here is the table, the Chanukia in the middle is a tradiotional one, the "interesting" one on the right was made by Livi at Cheder (Hebrew school) and is supposed to be a castle. According to law, there have to be eight candles on one level together and one different - her different one is in the tower, which is unintentionally be very cooly, detatchable!
On the agenda are prayers and songs for lighting the candles, then dreidle and Supermario races on the wii!

The table is in the music room, but instruments are good decoration for any festival!

The house is clean and we are nearly ready. Before the friends arrive we will exchange presents and have a quick private celebration.

And yes, we do have Christmas trees, two of them in fact.
The children know what is what, no confusion between the religions or traditions, so we decided to let them have a bit of fun and be the same as everyone else!

Happy Hannuckah, Merry Christmas.

Grumbly

2011-12-16T16:14:00.000Z

I do feel dreadfully grumbly today.
I often do on the first day of the holiday. Something to do with my desparate need to clean and everyone elses desparate need to do something fun. As we have friends coming round for the next four days on the trot, we really had to do it today.

We did take the kids to see Pinnoccio last night though. We aren't completely awful.

Anyway, back to the cleaning. I emptied my bedroom and only returned what should be there. It isn't quite the minalmist chic I aspire to but at least it doesn't look like a charity shop any more. The plan is to get the printer into the study - my, there's a novel thought! Then the table it stands on could go back to my parents' garage and the horrible filing cabinet just away out of my house somewhere and I might have a bedroom that feels restful. In fact, I'll just go and take some photos so that I can look back and remember this evening because once Ed gets in there, somehow so does a whole load of "stuff".

OK, another grumble.

I hate Santa/Father Christmas. I can't get my head around lying to children when we spend the rest of the year teling them not to lie. The lengths that people go to to convince their poor child that it is not a lie is unbelievable. I did think that schools would be sensible about this. However, Queen's managed to completely freak poor Livi out. They found some awful website where Santa tells the child whethere they have been good enough to get a present. Some have not, depending on what the parents have entered on the form. Livi was utterly freaked out by the idea that she might have been naughty and that Father Christmas knew. Even though we have been completely honest with her over the years she still has a sneaking suspion that there is some truth in it. Once we had talked it over she was then very upset on behalf of the child who has been told they were too naughty to be visited.

And don't even get me started on Elf on a Shelf. That is just EVIL.

And there is my lovely, clean, tidy bedroom. Shame I have to share it!

Parent's evening

2011-11-28T22:29:00.000Z

I went to Queen's for Livi's parent's evening.

I can't help feeling that I am still in disgrace there after not allowing her to participate in the swimming lessons. When the older two went they were not compulsory. The parents were encouraged to imagine they weer but you had to sign your child up rather than opt out. Abi didn't have swimming lessons because she had grommits in her ears and she wasn't allowed to get them wet. Johnny did and hated every moment. It is a cold pool, the teacher stand on the side and yell and the pool is deep. Not great for a child that is not confident and who has worked very hard to overcome her fear of swimming. We were not about to jepordise that with some dodgy teaching in a freezing pool!

There were some very bad humoured emails from the school which we replied to politely but firmly.

Then there was the concert issue. Livi asked if there were any concerts at Queen's that she could play her cello at. I didn't know so I emailed Mrs King (the head) and asked. Again - a frosty, short and negative reply. Followed by an invitation to play at assembly. I wasn't allowed to go in to accompany her and as the music teacher broke her foot the day before, there was no-one else, so she had to play alone. Her cello teacher was furious with them.

So today, I felt very harried. I was late because there was an accident. The parents booked after me were early so they went in my place and I went in theirs and it was fine but Mrs King was hurrying me out.

Anyway, the real issue is Livi and her growing phobia of maths. She loved it at her nursery. She was great last year and the year before. It is this year that things are going a bit askew. I can see where. The pace has been upped and she isn't ready for it. When I do little bits of work with her at home, learning bonds to 20 for instance, I can see that she needs to practice with the Seguin Board A making the teens numbers. She doesn't understand that a teen is a ten and a unit. She can tell me by rote, because they are all about memorising at her school but she doesn't have the understanding.

So, I have arranged for her to go down to the "bottom set". How can they call it that? Instant inferiority complex. Livi is all for it. She knows that she is working slower than many of the other children and it is bad for her confidence so it is the right move. It helps that Johnny recently chose to go down to the middle maths set and is much happier. I think we are a slow processing family!

Other concerns are that she is day dreaming. We have never had that problem before so it is a shock. She hates it, being called back to what she should be working on. She feels ashamed. However, we wonder if we will see a difference with the other teacher. Her class teacher, Mrs Huxley, is wound up tight like a spring and she never stops talking! Her last teacher had quiet working times when she put on calming music and they worked on something and she came round to help them. Ed went to an open morning and watched 20 minutes of an art lesson and came out with a headache - she never stopped talking, reminding, correcting, reminding, reminding, reminding!!!!

There is nothing we can do about that, so all we can do is try to remind her to concentrate on her work and zone out Mrs Huxley sometimes without stopping what she is supposed to be doing.

I feel sad that her love for school is slowly being replaced by a kind of weariness and a loss in confidence. I wish I knew if it was a first sign of a problem, as it was with Abi, or if it is a clash of teaching styles. Whatever, I hope that I can catch it and help her find her way.

Strange conversations

2011-11-27T21:55:00.000Z

We went up to London for Cheder (Hebrew School) today. During one of the short rest periods I was chatting with Rabbi Larry. He commented on Johnny's new glasses and said there was some research out that children's eyes were worse now that in previous generations because they went outside so much less.

I must have made a funny face because he then asked if things were different "in the country". Considering we do live in an actual town, with pavements and buses and everything, even big shops with esalators, I thought that was hilarious. But the truth is, we do let our children out. And probably a lot more than is normal in London, which is pretty brutal.

However, I told him that we did indeed allow the children to roam pretty freely to about a couple of miles away from home, so long as they were with another child we trusted and it was light. They also have to have a phone with them. He looked shocked. I also told him about our road with its lack of traffic and splendid amounts of families close at hand. He looked impressed that I often didn't know exactly where my children are but can generally hear them somewhere around.

It was strange because although it is normal to me now, I had to make a conscious decision to allow it to be like that. In fact, I had to talk to other parents and get us all together to make it OK for our kids to wander the neighbourhood in a pack. It was a bit uncomfortable to begin with and I did worry.... but now.

Now, I agree with my friend Jo, who feels that children should be allowed to be free, be a little bit dangerous. The likelihood of there being a disaster is small. Much smaller than the likelihood of bringing up a person who cannot function independently. In the end, if the worst happened then at least the child would have lived life to the full while they were living it, rather than plugged in and switched off.

Catch up

2011-11-25T12:58:00.000Z

I have decided to make this a private blog and keep it like a diary. I have missed writing about what the family has been up to and the opportunity to write through problems or issues. I find I come back later and re-read and that has been very valuable. Also, I wonder how much I am forgetting as the days whizz past and I am not recording anything.

So, in the past month and a half, plenty has happened!

Ed is unhappy at Bird and is waiting for what he thinks is his dream job to be advertised. The people involved have been chasing him and having meetings and in my opinion, leading him in. However, they have not yet advertised and there is no certainty about what the job entails or pay or anything else. He is making himself sad and worried and is not living in the now, but looking forward to a future that may not happen. He gets more angry with the children and with me. He is neglecting himself again. While he is at Bird he only looks forward to getting home but at home starts to dread going back.

Abi seems very happy at the senior school. She is involved in music and drama and seems to be enjoying all her lessons. So far there have been none of the problems we anticipated. I was feeling a little foolish about this (not that I want to wish it upon her!) when Jules pointed out that this is probably because we took the time to prepare her so well last year. Good point, Jules!

Johnny is all about Rugby this term. He us a killer kicker and enjoys the madness of tackling and scoring. We are considering taking him out of Cheder for two terms a year and letting him join Ipswich rugby club. He benefits from good coaching and he isn't getting it at the Abbey. Music is still a strong point, he loves playing and plays for pleasure all the time. We got him moved down from top to middle set maths, not because he didn't have the understanding but because the pace was too fast. He is a much happier boy now!

Livi has just turned seven. She is not enjoying school as much as she did last year. Her confidence seems to have taken a knock and she puts herself down. It worries me because she is clearly a bright child. She should not have to feel that she should compare herself to any other child but that is obviously going on at school. I am going for a parents evening next week so I will bring these concerns up. I went in after three weeks because we had constant tears. Part of the problem is that Johnny puts her down. He was going through a particulalry vicious phase then. However, I think she is also finding the constant pressure at school too much. I shall be watching to see how she does.

I am fine - getting on top of running a classroom. I have had grasshoppers and fireflies this term but next they will be taken over by sam and ruth which will be much easier for me and better for them. In the meantime, I am looking at how we run grasshoppers and working out what and how to improve thigs further. My biggest concern at the moment is that Chris does not seem to "get" that we must include other maths that is not included in the national curriculum. I have allowed her to do as she wants this term but by the beginning of next term I hope to have a system for setting and marking work in place and also a scale for marking work. I don't think it will be too hard to set up - keeping it going will be the hardest part. And being diplomatic with Chris!

I am enjoying my home time but the house is a mess and it annoys me.... however, it is November and I must remember that I do struggle and staying happy and keeping going is the most important thing. Keeping on top of the childrens happiness is the most important thing.

My girl went to senior school

2011-09-08T22:32:00.000+01:00

Ok, so we are only two days in but so far, so grown up.

I feel that something important and positive has shifted in Abigail this week. It has been threatening to for the last few weeks but this week, I felt the shift happen.

She has gained something. Self-esteem, confidence, a straighter back and a straighter gaze.

Little things - she is using her coloured glasses whenever they are needed without any prompting. I found her reading this evening wearing them. A decision she has made.

She is getting around the school and when she gets lost she asks for directions. Mostly though, she is navigating the school successfully. She tells me she will need a mibile phone because she plans to get the bus home sometimes and will need to text me to tell me not to pick her up. Or maybe she'll go into town with friends and can I pick her up last?

There is a whole school production of Guys and Dolls and she is going to the auditions, can she be picked up later?

Yes she can take Livi to school to save me time, no problem.

I am loving this big girl that has emerged, like a butterfly and is enjoying spreading her wings.

We survived!

2011-09-07T21:31:00.000+01:00

I had my first day as a lead teacher - I survived!

Abigail had her first day of Senior School. She was nervous as anything this morning but had a great day.

Johnny went back to not the teacher he was expecting but he is in top set maths and English (not expected!) and loved triple rugby!!

Livi started with her new teacher. She came home exhausted but happy with her day. She is a prefect (hilarious, at the age of six) with special responsibility for putting away the bikes at the end of playtime

Ed finished his first three days back at College after a years sabbatical. He didn't like it but ...... her knew he wasn't going to!

We survived.

Friends

2011-08-31T19:40:00.000+01:00

Livi and her friend Jenni, sitting on the gate post. What a great place for a secret meeting and watching the world go by. Livi knows all our neighbours by name because she has a great chat with everyone that passes. What you can't see in this photo is how high the girls are - at least seven feet up in the air! I took this photo from my bedroom three floors up.

Branching out

2011-08-31T19:29:00.000+01:00

As you know, I am all for children spreading their wings, testing their strength, pushing the boundaries. So long as an adult is around to pick up the pieces if it all goes pear shaped, maybe give a little advice, a pointer in the right direction, kids can go far.

Today, Abi went far, literally and figuratively.

She and a friend walked into town and shopped for England. No adults to say no to the tacky clip-on earrings or the jumbo sized gob-stoppers. They came back through the park, stopped to feed the ducks and then walked up the hill and home. She went at least two miles away from me but a million miles in terms of independence.

She took my mobile phone and used it twice to let me know all was well, the first time to say they were on their way back and the second to say they would be longer than I expected because they were feeding the ducks. I resisted ringing her - just!

Another milestone reached and passed with flying colours on both sides. Of course, the next problem will be that she wants to go every weekend and how am I going to finance that?!

Preparing for the end of the holiday

2011-08-28T22:41:00.000+01:00

There are mixed feelings about the end of the holiday and the start of school here.

Livi is desparate to be back at school. She loves learning, the whole environment sees her in her element and she is ready to have a bit more structure in her life.

Johnny is looking forward to the start of the Rugby season. So keen, in fact that he went all the way to Northampton to take part in a day learning how to kick the ball! He is not so keen in the idea of working but they do so much sport that he'll be able to off-set the working with the playing. He misses his friends, who all seemed to flee the country for the summer, so it will be good to get back.

Abi is changing school. She is (gasp) going to Senior School. My baby. How on earth did that happen? She is working through the normal feelings of not wanting to move on and worry about being in an environment that is geared towards academic excellence and being the youngest. She is very nearly ready to embrace it. Her year's first day back is the day before the rest of the school so they have a chance to settle in without the bigger kids around.

Ed is going back to Bird College, much against his wishes. He would love to have a better job, nearer to home but at least he has a job and that is what we have to keep reminding ourselves of. He has plenty to be keeping him busy in the week before he goes back. What should have been a simple exercise in moving a show from Frinton Theatre to Hoxne in Suffolk. It has been rather complicated by one of the four actors having a complete breakdown and pulling out, the day before the company started rehearsing the show on the new stage. A replacement has been found (thank him to the moon and back) and he is madly learning his lines. The dress rehearsal is on Wednesday....... I don't think I will be seeing much of Ed this week!

And me, I am looking forward to getting back, and for the first time, being in charge of my own classroom. I have a great assistant but it is my room, my class and my way of doing things. I may fall flat on my face but I think I will be prepared for everything I can reasonably ready for. Any falling will just have to happen!

Interesting!

2011-08-24T23:21:00.000+01:00

Livi is finding the reality of the beads in the basket rather different to how she expected. My conclusion at the moment is that she has never been on the recieving end of having to take anything out of the basket at school as she is the archetypal "good girl" away from the family.

Today, having discussed what the criteria for taking beads out and putting them in and agreeing the terms before starting the day, she rather quickly had to take out a couple of beads. She was shocked, to put it midly! We ended the day on less than 20 beads and she was not happy. We talked about what had happened and she admitted she could see a pattern of behaviour. We talked about how she felt when it was happening and tried out different ways of speaking and words to use.

I think it will take a while but although today was hard, tomorrow is another day and another chance. She will never urn out of chances while she is living with me, which gives her plenty of time to crack this. I think we have a chance of doing it!

Livi's idea

2011-08-24T09:39:00.000+01:00

Livi and I were talking last night as she was snuggled up in bed. She was trying to work out why, in her words, she was such a naughty girl. This is not language I would use to or about her so it is something she has picked up elsewhere.

We had the "You are not naughty but your behaviour sometimes is and sometimes isn't" discussion. Then it occured to me that although I am trying very hard to step the line that is called authoritive parenting - that is a combination between "warm" and "firm" I am obviously missing something out because this is something that is bothering Livi and it shouldn't be, not so much.

I came to the realisation that although I do not like using charts or incentives to manipulate my children into a behaviour that I want it is different if they ask. I wan't listening to Livi when she asked for a star chart or a marbles in the jar, I was being authoritarian in imposing my ideals and wishes over hers. She was telling me that she needed something to help her, something that she could see and was tangible, had an end point or a reckoning point every week and that she and I both had a say in.

Therefore, we had a new discussion about what would work. I pointed out to her that I didn't know if she had stopped herself from whining or being bossy, if it hadn't started to come out of her mouth and I heard her stop it. If she stopped it in her head, then I wouldn't know about it.

So, we have come p with our variation of Bears in a Basket. They use this at her school and I am very against it for a group of children. The idea is that good behaviour is rewarded with bears being put in the basket and poor behaviour with bears being taken out of the basket. When all the bears are in the basket there is a reward. In a school situation I think this is just plain nasty - a child is deemed to have misbehaved (and in some situations they have and in others the teacher needs to to think a little harder about WHY) and they have to take a bear out of the basket. This results in the rest of the class being extremely angry with them, so the child has been told off, then they are publicly humiliated and then they have to endure their entire class being angry with them as well. If they are getting near to the basket being full it gets even more vicious.

So, rant over! Livi has a basket with 20 beads in. Through the day she and I will decide together if a bead should be taken out or put in. At the end of the day we'll count the beads. If there are more than 20, she'll get an extra story. Each new day starts again with 20. I felt very strongly about this last point. Once a day is over, it is over, we start agin the next day with new intentions. At the end of the week we'll see how she's done and if it has been a good effort to stop whining and being bossy then there may well be a trip to the park and an icecream.

Reorganising

2011-08-22T21:38:00.000+01:00

I suggested to Liv that it may be a good idea to change her room around and take out some toys to make it easier to tidy and give her more playing room and to my shock she was really enthusiastic. I took advantage of her being out with my mum this afternoon and got Ed to help my do a bit of judicious moving of furniture.

The bookcase was moved to the living room. This was my most important change. The case is full of books that belong to Abi and Johnny, only the bottom shelf had Livi's books on. The other two were constantly barging into her room to get a book and left books all over the floor and all higgly-piggly on the shelf. Now it is in the living room they don't have to invade her privacy and I like the extra bookshelf in the room. It makes it look like a library and that has to be a good thing - right?! She has a basket in her room with about 10 books in that she has chosen and she is free to swap them as she wants to. Hopefully that will keep the book monster at bay!

The next thing I did was to pull everything out from under the bed. There were suitcases and boxes of toys and bags of clothes and lots of stuff that Livi had stuffed under rather than put away. I vacuumed as I went and bagged the rubbish, put anything that could be stored elsewhere out on the landing. Finally I sorted out the toys that Livi loves to play with and put them on the bed, everything else went into a bin liner (or two) and went straight into the loft, before she saw. If she misses anything I will get it back down, but somehow I don't think she will. We'll see!

Finally, I moved the furniture around to make it look completely different and put out a small selection of toys on the shelf and in the pink/purple bins. Compared to what my mother had as a little girl it is still a huge amount. Compared to what her friends have it is meagre.

She was asleep in bed when I took these photos so I had to be quick and could not take the best pictures in the world, however, compared to the "before" photo you can still see the improvement!

Getting older, new problems

2011-08-21T22:34:00.001+01:00

Livi is having a hard time at the moment. I have to say that I am releived it has surfaced during the holiday, because I would probably have put it down to being tired from school if it had happened during the term time.

She is a very strong minded and strong willed young lady. She hates being given direction and yearns for independence at every possible opportunity, even when it is not possible. When the answer has to be "no" she chucks an enormous paddy. We have been trying with various degrees of success to find solutions to her behaviour, because, loving mother as I am, I am not good at being whined at, or shouted, screamed and kicked out at.

The Montessorian part of my brain is telling me she has too much choice and I need to reign in the amount there is to choose from and give her an either or choice. This is not what Madame wishes to hear. If the choice is A or B then you can be darn sure she'll choose T. And then convince herslef that she can't live without it, that T is what she wanted all along and that I am horrible and mean and I hate her.

After she has calmed down we get the other side of her - she turns the bad feelings inwards and tells me that she hates herself and that she is really bad and she wishes that she could stop behaving like this.

Our big problem is that she agrees to a strategy, she'll even think it up herself. But when she is in a passion then there is no reasoning with her. She will reject her own solution and any others that are given and only calms down if someone gets cross with her. As Johnny was the same I can only come to two possible conclusions.

#1. is that something in my parenting brings this on and makes it inevitable (although it never happened with Abi)

#2. is that there is something their personalities that makes it happen.

As Johnny has mostly grown out of it I am hoping Livi will too. Of course, she might have learnt it from him. And on the other hand maybe it is a combination of her personality, my personality, our parenting, copying her brother.

I am trying to think of solutions.

I am sticking to my guns as far as the limiting of choice is concerned.

I am going to tidy and empty her room tomorrow while she is out and prettify it, which she wants, and make it possble for her to keep it nice herself, as that is a big blow-up point.

I refuse to go down the path of stickers and charts and rewards. They are not a solution. The behaviour stops for as long as the reward is offered and reappears as soon as it is stopped because the parent thinks the behaviour is cured. Also, how do we prove that she would have whined but didn't? It is an impossible situation and not what I am about to get into with her. That could easily turn into a power struggle all of its own!

I need a book! I wonder if I have a book that addresses this in a way I accept? I must go and see what I can find!!

Abigail the Porpoise and other seaside matters

2011-08-19T21:03:00.000+01:00

Today was a lovely day. I am running the risk of over-using the word lovely in this post, so I promise to be vigilent and ruthlessly prune the lovley's but just in case ... I apologise!

Jules of the blog Muffinmoon came over with her husband and son and met us at the beach. I discovered her through either Soulemama or Salt and Chocolate, I don't remember now. I sometimes read the comments and she wrote one that struck me as peculiarly English, so I clicked over to her blog and found that we live less that twenty miles apart. I commented on her blog, she commented on mine and we promised to meet up.

Today was our second meeting, the first with families in tow. Occasionally in life one is lucky enough to meet someone who is a good friend from the second you meet. Jules, for me, was one of those. Her husband is just lov...er great and her son is divine. He has cheeks that deserve to be kissed at every opportunity. Sadly, he is a big boy of five years old and no longer wants to be loved by near strangers. However, he and my nine year old boy got on like a house on fire. Johnny is very used to boys of his age as he has younger cousins and he and Frank played on the sand and the Greesward as if they had known each other for years.

Abi returned to her natural habitat and spent about three hours in the sea and Livi pootled between the boys and the beach hut, finding random children to play with where-ever she was! It was a lov... wonderful day and a happy last day to our holiday.

Shopping with Holly

2011-08-17T22:07:00.000+01:00

A while ago, I promised Holly that I would go shopping with her. We enjoy spending time together, we enjoy shopping, it seemed like a great idea!

On Sunday Holly and her family came over to spend the day with us and the first thing, Holly reminded me of my promise. Her mother and I made a date and today was the day.

We went to Colchester as bigger towns/cities are generally more wheelchair friendly than smaller places like Frinton. Holly's wheelchair is a thing of beauty. It is an electric monster that moves into and out of tiny spaces and is easy to control. Holls has a joystick and a pad to control everything with and, as far as possible, it gives her total independence. She has got so good at controlling it that I find it hard to remember the days when she was in a manual chair and waiting for someone to move her around.

What has not changed are the looks on people's faces. There are four main looks with sub-looks related to each look.

#1. The look of dismay/disgust. This I noticed most when Holly was talking. As she has pretty severe Cerebral Palsy her speech is fairly compromised. It takes a while to "get your ear in" as my family says. There are lots of vowels and not many consonants so hard listening is requred to begin with. As her brain is that of a 14 year olds, what she says is often a load of complete rubbish but it is also completely age appropriate and often very witty. Certainly a lot more articulate and more worth listening to than the idiots who gave her a wide berth and a dirty look. I hope Holly doesn't notice but she's had fourteen years of it, I expect she does and simply ignores them as best she can.

#2. The look of pity/concern. Maybe these people are worried that something awful is happening? Maybe they are desparate to react appropriately but are not quite sure what to do. They get ignored by Holly unless she really has to interact. What fourteen year old girl wants to be talked to as if they are a pet rabbit? Not this one!

#3. Is the most annoying - the total not-see. Some people do not see what is in front of their noses. Or actually, they only see what is in front of their noses - other, lower things, like small children, pushchairs, animals and people in wheelchairs are way too far below their line of vision and get trodden on, kicked and cut up without even being noticed. Holly was constantly stopping, braking and having to move suddenly out of the way when, yet again, a person simply ploughed across her path without noticing the whole other person sat there.

#4. The nicest. The very few people who weren't put off by Holly's talking, her restricted movements or her wheelchair and were able to see, simply, a fourteen year old girl our shopping with a friend and her mother. The shop assistant who sent her down to the bigger changing room with a merry wave, the lady who held open the door and said "you're welcome" to Holly's "thank you", the man who asked Holly, not me or Lynne if Holly could get through the gap.

So, my challenge for you. Look down. See the people who are shopping with you. Actually see them. Not the chair, not the slurred speech, not the restricted movement. See the sparkly top they are looking at and wonder what big night out it is for. Wonder if her boyfriend will like it! Talk to the person in the chair, not the carer, if you need to ask a question and have a good listen to the answer. The honest truth is that Holly would rather repeat her answer than have someone else answer for her and I suspect most kids her age feel the same. Smile at her. For heaven's sake. All those averted eyes add up.

See, realy see, the people who you are shopping with.

Holy cr*p

2011-08-09T21:51:00.000+01:00

Riots, people, riots.

Riots in five or six cities in England. It is crazy.

This is my husband's facebook comment from yesterday

Create a society that values material things above all else. Strip it of industry. Raise taxes for the poor, reduce them for the rich and for corporations. Prop up failed financial institutions with public money. Permit people to accrue huge debt then ask for more tax, while vastly reducing public services. Put adverts everywhere, regardless of people's ability to afford the things they advertise. Allow the cost of food and housing to eclipse people's ability to pay for them.....oh, I see..

He has a point. People started dropping off the bottom of society in the '80's (thanks Maggie T) and nothing has been able to stop it since.

Parents are being blamed. Part of me feels "quite right too". If parents don't know where their teenagers are at 3 in the morning......

On the other hand, they probably gave up years ago.

It has been a while

2011-07-24T21:00:00.000+01:00

It's been a while. So long, in fact, that I can't remember what was going on last time I wrote, so I'll guess where we had got to!

Certainly, I haven't written since I found out that I do not have pluerisy, which is great but I have ripped my chest wall, probably by coughing so hard and it si going to take forever to put itself right. Still, at least I don't have a life threatening illness, nor the potential for it!

So, the children finished school on the seventh of July and I kept going until the twentieth. The kids have become very good at visiting people, going on tennis courses and coming into school with me. By the time we reached the twentieth we were all exhausted and in need of some down time.

I therefore declared the following day the stressiest day of the year and forced them into cleaning and tidying the house, accompanied by my high pitched whining as they complained that they like the house dirty and could we please go out.

When we did finally leave the house to go on a favourite walk, clad in wellies in order to wade in the stream, it was not for nearly as long as intended. Within a few minutes of reaching the stream they had covered each other in mud, filled their wellies and started moaning that they were cold. We went home, accompanied by more of my high pitched whining.

Yeah - good times! They were all in bed by 7.30. More to escape from me than anything else, I think. At about 10.30 I realised that I hadn't fed them since lunch time. Bad, bad mother!

They had a great breakfast the next day. Very quiet and efficient!!

Since then we have been to my husband's theatre at Frinton, spent the day at Aldeburgh and seen the Maggie Hamblin Seashell sculpture and been swimming in the sea, despite it being a chilly 16 degrees C (that's about 60 degrees F).

Tomorrow we head back to Frinton for the younger two to take part in a music course. Abi and I are going to have tennis lessons together! Neither of us have ever learnt so it should be hilarious!

Oh, and I have been called to do jury service in September - terrible timing. I am going to try and get out of it. It is a total nightmare of logistics with the family and rubbish timing with seven new children starting in my class who will need keeping close until they find their feet. I'm not sure if the jury service people will find that a good enough reason for trying to get out of it though!

Finally, my boss, Sam has a new blog. It is about her work in the outside environment. It is mostly for the 3-6 aged classroom but I will be working to get my lot out there as often as possible. I seem to remember that last year the new year 2's went out when they lost concentration inside and it brought a bit of peace to the rest of the children and allowed them to adjust to the new way of working that the elementary classroom calls for.

I'll be back on Friday. Over and out.

Rubbish week

2011-07-01T21:37:00.000+01:00

I haven't been around because I have been feeling rubbish.

Pleurisy has taken up residence in my lungs, Abi has been in full play mode and tiredness has turned her into a raging, tired monster, and just to make sure that this weekend will be really great she is at the leavers party now, so she'll be tired and emotional.

Livi has had a cold for two weeks and is grumpy.

Johnny ran into a large, metal edged sign, gave himself two fat lips and knocked of the bottom of his front tooth, which is an adult one. He and Ed spent last evening in A+E last night and is on monster painkillers and anti-inflammatories.

Work has been great but I am shattered and am looking forward to the summer holiday.

So that is why I haven't been around much this week.

How ironic

2011-06-25T17:37:00.000+01:00

I went to the opticians today because I have been getting headaches if I use the computer for an extended period of time (like every evening) and I wondered if my eyes had changed since my last exam.

We went through all the normal tests and if anything, things had improved and there is definitely no need for a prescription. We talked about when the headachs come and what they feel like and the optician suggested it may be light sensitivity.

We did some simple tests, to see how I was most comfortable with reading small texts and dim light was more comfortable than bright. I tried different coloured overlays and picked a lovely aqua colour as the most comfortable.

I have also downloaded a free programme that tints the background you are working on, so while I am writing a lesson plan or a document I can have the background a comfortable blue rather than a glaring white.

It is irinic because Abi went through all this last year and has tinited glasses. It never occured to me that I was getting headaches for the same reason!

Like mother like daughter!!!

Calming down

2011-06-21T20:44:00.000+01:00

So - I went in and gently (not screaming and shouting like I wanted to!) spoke with Livi's class teacher who was shocked at my description of how Livi percieved her report and very sad to hear that she beats herself up about work that is excellent. She suggested that she speaks with the year 2 teachers to explain that minute maths is not going to be positive for her. I will also, at her suggestion, go in as soon as the new term starts in September and make it clear why I do not want her to do it.

Bottom line is, she is not going to take part. I am going in as calmly as possible, expecting to be received with the attitude that we all work together for the benefit of each child but I will play dirty if I need to!

If I needed any support in my feeling that Livi is holding in emotions at school, in order to be a "good" girl, I got it tonight.

It was bedtime. She had been read to, read to herself ( a new development I am enjoying. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as you ask!) and had a "little chatty".

As soon as I started the time to lie down and go to sleep ritual the tears were turned on. They often are so I was ready to do my usual, do the ritual anyway and go out. I usually come back in after a few minutes and have one last huggle. Tonight the tone of crying was different. In fact, it was hysteria. She wanted to stop but couldn't. It took her ages to calm down and I could feel her little body vibrating with the emotions she was feeling. I held her in my arms, on my knee and we held on until the last shudder was over. As soon as I laid her down she was dropping off. By the time I got to the door she was sound asleep.

This has happened once before but with laughing hysteria. It was for the same reason though. It scared her and she has talked about it a lot. She is not a person who likes losing control and i think the holding on at school is meaning we get this at night.

I have noticed she is better when she has had a bath, so I think that is going to have to come back to being part of her nightly routine, as well as lots of opportunity to talk and express what she has felt at school and let it out - punching cushions and so on.

Other than that.... I don't know. Maybe flower remedies would be a good thing. Certainly I use rescue remedy sometimes and I know it can be a life saver. I should have a bottle for each girl, as they are both highly strung. Oh, and one for me too! Jules, when we meet up I will ask your advice!

In other news, my poor Abi has been under the weather. We are having a funny start to the summer. There are lots of colds and funny viruses around. Abi had a raging temperature last night. I dosed her up but when I went to check on her at about 9.30 she wasn't on her room. I found her on the floor of the bathroom, half awake but delerious and still burning up. Today she threw up once and felt a little better but she has had a bad couple of days. Still, tomorrow she has to stay at home because we have to leave 48 hours before going back to school after sickenss and hopefully she will be well enough to enjoy being in front of the DVD all day!!!

We're all learning

2011-06-20T12:56:00.000+01:00

Tonight is Livi's parents' evening. Her report came on Saturday and we recieved no surprises.

Livi is a high achiever. She finds reading easy and pleasurable, she writes all the time and her hand-writing is beautiful. What she writes is worth reading. She is in the top maths group and although she works systematically she has great understanding of each topic. Her beahviour is wonderful and she is a good friend. She is mature, sensible, full of enthusiasm, has a huge wealth of general knowledge and is articulate.

In other words, she is a teacher's dream child.

What we see at home is a child who is so exhausted by her need to not make mistakes that she crumples into a howling, moaning, whinging little horror who can often think of nothing good that is happening in her life at all.

When we read her report tp her, she didn't hear all the great things that the teachers had written. What she heard was that she needed to work on throwing and catching, that she works slowly and sometimes talks a little too much, that she needs to consolodate the maths work she has done over the summer holiday. In other words she heard only the negatives and none of the enormous positives.

When Abi and Johnny were in year 2 (Livi is in year 1 at the moment) they had a homework called minute maths. Minute maths is designed to help children learn (memorise) their times tables. No understanding is required, just memorising of facts. The idea is the child has a sheet of paper with three columns of questions. The sheet is just one times table, starting with the 2's. The first column are 2x .... the second column is ...x2 and the third column is ....divided by 2. There are twelve question in each column. The child has a sheet of persepex that goes over the sheet and every evening the child sets the timer for a minute and sees how many ansers they can fill in. Each friday there is a test. If the child scores over 30 out of 36 they move onto the next sheet and the whole thing starts again.

This utterly destroyed Abi. Her confidence disappeared and she learnt to hate maths. We withdrew her from the programme but not without a huge fight and it took a long time. Johnny hated it, learnt nothing and was completely turned off maths. He still does not look forward to maths lessons even though he has had two years of inspirational maths teacher since.

Guess what?

Livi is not going to even start. I will find other ways for her to learn her times tables and she will have an understanding of what it is that multiplication is. It is not going to be pretty.

However, I am not prepared to have another child's confidence knocked by this stupid, useless, pointless, disrespectful method of ramming timestables down her neck. Particularly as she is already losing confidence in herself.

Summer concert

2011-06-17T20:58:00.000+01:00

Today was Livi's school summer concert.

They are very lucky to have the use of a real theatre, complete with sound system and lights and everything. My husband is terribly jealous that the children get to act in a theatre that is better than the one he has for a professional season each summer!

Usually I cry all the way through because I am a big softy underneath and cry at just about everything. It's one reason I don't watch X-Factor, because I am easily manipulated and I would rather not be! I don't mind when my child is involved though!

Today was unusually difficult though. There was a little boy (all the children are aged 4-7) who started out very happy and did some fantastic dancing and singing at the front of the stage. He even did a dance with one other child which was brilliant. Then a couple of children said something to him and he lost it. We could see he was wanting to cry and trying to hold it back. Even when he was acting he was struggling to hold back the tears and deliver his lines, sing the songs and dance.

As a parent it was excruciating to watch. No-one quite knew what to do. Teachers crept up the sides and tried to encourage him off the stage so they could help him but he was determined to stay on. His mother (a very good friend of mine) was sitting two seats away from me and was in agony. She also crept into the wings to try and get him off the stage but, bless him, he was so determined to do his part, even though there was something bothering him (we didn't know then that something had been said) there was no persuading him.

When we got to the end of the show many of felt relief more than anything else. He had been so close to losing control and had held on somehow, wiping his eyes and screwig his face up to try and stop the tears and keeping on going. It was emotional just watching him. Being him must have been so difficult.

I saw him afterwards, while I was picking up Livi. I congratulated him on his fab dance. He looked happy but awkward and I felt for him so much, so I told him he was great all the way through. He gave me a watery grin and a thumbs up. His mum told me he was exhausted and it had been too much for him. They perfomance the show twice and the dress rehearsal was to the years threes so that's really three perfomances.

Later on, Livi told me that two children had said something unkind about his dance and that had been what had set him off. Livi has a friend staying the night and she shook her head and said that those children were in a lot of very bad trouble because they had been so mean.

It has stayed with me for the rest of the day. We all felt so helpless because whatever happened had to be on his terms or the experience would have gone beyond uncomfortable it would have become destructive. He wanted to stay on the stage and that was respected. Even though every adult in the auditorium wanted to stop what was a painful experience for him, everyone knew it would be worse to make him come off if that was not what he wanted.

He is a sensitive, brave, strong little chap. It was uncomfortable but a priviledge to have been in his audience.

The calm after the storm

2011-06-16T21:18:00.000+01:00

Tonight has been calm and quiet. It seems the hormone tide has ebbed and the normal Abi is back.

I don't beleive in long lectures after the event. It is only satisfying for the lecturer! Not very productive though, so we have not mentioned yesterday at all. Abi came to me at bed time and we had a lovely chat about what she had learnt at school (how worms and snails mate. Snails do a mating dance first, apparently.)

I know that we are in for an interesting time while she surfs the hormone wave and that this is merely a lull. It is going to be years before she is through and by then the other two will be crashing through it too, probably together as girls tend to start earlier than boys and Johnny is two and a half years older than Livi.

You know, if I had thought of this earlier I could have had longer gaps between babies and given myself a break, or shorter gaps and got it all over and done with together, but no - I have planned it so that we get puberty hell for about seven years without a break. So, all of you planning babies, think long term. You won't remember the first year of second and subsequent babies lives anyway, you'll be too tired, so think of the tee years and plan for that!

There, a little wisdom at the end of a long day!

Tired, emotional and bruised

2011-06-15T21:37:00.000+01:00

Tired and emotional is what my children are. Bruised is what I am.

It has been a strange evening. Actually, it has been rather a strange week. Change is in the air and with it, a feeling of shifting sand beneath our feet.

Some changes are possible to pin-point. For Abigail there has been the start of her period and the ending of Junior school. She has had her first induction evening into the Senior school and although she is enjoying the build-up to the end of term play and party she is also ready to move on. She is caught at that strange crossroads that we find ourselves at periodically in our lives where we know we will be moving on soon and the goodbye takes too long. All this on top of a sea of hormones wreaking merry hell throughout her body and our lives.

Ed and I are being (mostly) remarkably cool over it all. Tonight was a new low however. She was cross with Ed because she had homework to do. Rather than engaging ina reasonable discussion she spat in his face. My mum was here as well and none of us could quite believe it. Once she had stomped off we consulted quickly and took mum's advice, which was for me to calmly take her upstairs and help her with the homework without mentioning the spitting and sort that out once she was calm and I was ready to ask her to apologise to her dad. That was not nice bu twe worked it out and by the time she had doen her homework she was ready to apologise without any discussion or prompting.

However, later on this evening, I was having a chat and a cuddle with Livi in the kitchen and, in a fit of jealousy Abi wrenched the chair out from under me. I fell very awkwardly as I was trying to stop Livi from getting hurt and have a bruise on my back and bottom.

Merry hell broke loose. Livi was convinced she was about to die, Abi was screaming "sorry, sorry" at the top of her lungs and I was so winded I cuoldn't get a word out. Ed came shooting out of the music room and caught Abi and hugged her close as she was hysterical. I was hugging Livi and trying to find out of she was hurt or just shocked and Abi was screeching like a banshee.

I yelled, I have to admit. I was so shocked and angry that she could do something like that. We were all shocked that she could. I read somewhere once that during puberty the brain shrinks and the part of the brain that is sacrificed is the empathy part.

Abi admitted later that she knew what would happen when she pulled the chair but she was so cross with me and Livi that something inside her didn't want to stop and listen to the bit that said "no". Maybe that is the brain shrinkage in action?!

Whatever is going on, I hope it doens't last too long. My gut feeling, however, is that we have only just opened up this particular can of worms. I think it is going to be wriggly around here for a while!

When I breathe

2011-06-13T21:59:00.000+01:00

When it is quiet enough to hear myself breathe I can also hear my lung lining creaking against my chest wall.

Yep - that's right. Pleurisy is back and I am pissed off. And going to bed early as it makes me rather tired, so please forgive my slowing down in blogging for a couple of days while I get on top of some sleep.

I doubt I'll stop altogether but it may be a little less.

Here's a funny from Livi to cheer us all up.

"Mummy, I know what the "F" word is."

"Oh, really. Do I know it?"

"Well, I'll give you a clue. It starts with a sh! And there's another word that starts with sw!"

homework

2011-06-12T20:38:00.000+01:00

Putting it together and making....?

2011-06-12T15:19:00.000+01:00

There have been two debates going on in the media, over here in jolly old England at least, that have caught my attention.

The first are the slut walks, inspired by a Canadian policeman who said that some women are "asking for it" going out for the evening dressed in a particular way. This was echoed by a prominant politician in this country who voiced the opinion that there are different types of rape and that some are worse than others.

The second is the debate going on about the sexualisation of childhood. There has been some publicity this week over where advertising for adult products with "sexy" images should be sited, what type of clothing should be allowed to be put on sale for little girls and the ready availability of music channels with their music videos that are often nothing short of porn.

As for some of the toys - what are these Bratz saying to our little girls? I taught my girls to see thier faces as mean and their clothes as ugly before their friends had a chance to tell them what to think because there is no way one of these would ever be allowed into my house.

Last year there was an outcry over padded bras that were on sale in a shop called Primark - targeted at sevenyear old girls. The year before Tesco's (a big supermarket was hauled over the coals for selling a pole dancing toy. They both withdrew these products pretty darn quickly.

When I look at the bigger picture I see these two big issues as being very much intertwined.

Yes, they are both a problem and they both need to be addressed. I see them as having an effect upon the other.

If we surround our children with images of women dressed in almost nothing, posing provocatively then they will want to be like that. Abi used to have a friend that she was very close to, until this friend got into a singer called Rihanna. Then their friendship fell apart as the friend told Abi that she had to change how she was dressing, walking, talking and acting. Abi got very upset and showed me a video and some pictures that were really, as far as I was concerned, pornography and not suitable for a child to see.

I had a tough conversation with the girl's mother which started with me assuming that the mother didn't know what the daughter was watching on you-tube and ended with me telling her that I couldn't support the girls' friendship any more. It was hard and heartbreaking but it opened up the door to talk about objectifying women and how we do not have to aspire to that, nor should any man expect us to.

If children are routinely having singers like this held up as a role model then they are going to want to buy the clothes and copy the beahviour.

Which brings us to the slut walks. It isn't just girls who have been given the message that they should be avilable. Boys have been given the message that girls, particularly girls in a certain type of clothes, are available. Not just available either, but "asking for it" and deserving being of attacked, even raped. If boys have grown up with their major influences being music videos and video games then when are they supposed to have picked up the message that women are not there for the taking?

In my opinion, there is no place for clothes for children that are not comfortable, first and formost. I have found it hard to dress any of my children with clothes from the UK and often shop on the internet to get clothes from the continent where they are more concerned about comfort and fit that looking like a hooker from Soho. Boys clothes too are all about the army here. Go into a young children's clothes shop and the gils side is pink and the boys is khaki. Go into a shop targetted at 7-14 year old children and you have clubbing style clothes for the girls and khaki for the boys. Dreary in the extreme.

Children are not mini-adults. Their brains are different to adults, thier bodies are different. We have surely progressed beyond the middle ages when children were valueless until strong enough to work and then make babies? We understand so much more about the role that childhood has in the adults healthy life. Why on earth are we still wallowing in the muck of ignorance and stereotyped sexuality?

Right

2011-06-10T21:04:00.000+01:00

Right, I have just read my own archives to gee myslef up and get motivated and I am ready. I am going to get my house back in shape and I am going to LOSE WEIGHT.

It is amazing how it slips on and then suddenly I feel fat. Iknow it will only take losing about three pounds to start feeling better about myself. I just need to get back into feeling motivated.

So, tonight I am going to tidy my bedroom, which will be a workout in itself.

Tomorrow I start exercising and eating less.

Ask me in two months time how I am doing. OK! Thanks!

Burp tennis

2011-06-09T20:30:00.000+01:00

I know I risk losing friends here but I absolutely have to tell you about burp tennis.

You see, the thing is, I don't find burping at all distateful. In fact, done in the right circumstances it is downright beautiful.

Also, I am serverly talented when it comes to burping. I have won competitions. Against men. With no fizzy drinks involved. I have won whole terms worth of beer at uni.

So, burp tennis was a natural evolution when I discovered that Johnny has inherited my talent for burping.

Burp tennis is easy to play. I reqires me to have drunk at least half a bottle of wine in order to lose my inhibitions. It also requires Johnny to be on hand as, apaprt from Holly, I have not met anyone who has the talent needed to play this demanding and exhausting sport.

Each player must be able to summon burps on demand (I told you it required talent) and not to need to throw up before five minutes of burping has elapsed.

The challenger serves. They mime a tennis serve and burp at the same time. To return their opponent burps and mimes a return shot. The point continues until someone collapses laughing or is unable to summon up a burp. The winner is the first to win a game. Duece is included as part of the game and you really need an umpire to decide if a return is too late and therefore "out".

And yes, seeing as you ask. I have had half a bottle of wine, and a gin and tonic. I deserved it and I won.

Ha!!!!!

Poor Kids

2011-06-08T23:39:00.000+01:00

I watched this documentary this evening and it has taken me a while to get my thoughts together enough to write about it.

The children told their stories in their own words. They are among the poorest children in the country, living in awful conditions, only eating one meal a day, freezing in the winter because they have no money for heating and playing in derelict houses in the summer because they have nowhere else to play.

They are also articulate, wise and with one exception, without hope for a better future. Interestingly, the one child with any hope was the child with both parents. The others were from single parent families and were entirely without hope for the future. It was heart breaking.

Yet, we are deep in a recession that has at least another two years to run. My grandchildren will likely still be paying for the excesses of my generation and the generation older than me. These families have no hope of getting jobs, finding a way out of debt or giving their children a future because there are no jobs. In parts of Britain there are literally no jobs.

How do we, as a society live with that?

Do we really still see poverty as a just punishment for being lazy, drinking and smoking too much? Is it possible to write so many hundreds of thousands of children off because they are so hungry they can't concentrate at school? Is it possible to write off children because they are made ill by their damp houses and miss school.

It seems that we do live with it and mostly turn our backs without a thought.

I don't think I can live with that. Poverty isn't a punishment. It is a trap. It is a trap set by politicians, loaded by most of us who look the other way and filled with families and especially children who have no choice.

Throwing money at the problem isn't going to make it go away.

Jobs aren't going to miraculously appear.

Damp houses can't be papered over and made nice.

One person cannot make much difference.

There must be a solution though. In this century and with the huge amount of waste that there is, there must be a workable solution.

Buggered if I know what it is though.

mmmm, cake!

2011-06-07T22:10:00.000+01:00

Look at that.

I made it! A triple layered carrot cake with cream cheese icing.

Now I just hope it doens't get too warm tomorrow or the whole thing will slowly slip sideways and end up in a mess!

deep breathing

2011-06-07T18:13:00.000+01:00

This time eleven years ago I had been having contractions for over 24 hours. If had know I had another 21 to go I might just have wheeled myself up to the hospital and demanded a c-section! Deep breathing stops being so effective when you have missed town nights of sleep,I found!

Tonight, my delicious daughter has decided that the cake that she really wants tomorrow is a Hummingbird Bakery carrot cake. Very faffy. Also, just for an added little piece of stress she seems to have promised cakes to her class tomorrow. Not just an easy sponge, either but peaches and cream cup cakes.

And so it is that I find myself deep breathing again in preparation for braving the supermarket to buy the ingredients for these amzing creations.

Customers had better beware. I am well known for leaving bruised and scraped ankles in my wake.

Mwahahahahaaaaaaaa

Weddings, wedges and wierdness

2011-06-06T17:39:00.000+01:00

I am now rather nervous about writing as Holly's mum asked me to send her the link to my lil'ol blog so she could see what mine is like (Lynne!). I know Sam reads my blog but other than that I don't have any real life readers. What if she decides she doesn't like me?

Anyway, I am pressing on in the hope that if I just keep going I'll stop feeling all self conscious and instead write something wonderful and inspiring.

Mmmm, nope.

Nothing doing.

It is funny how being more aware of yourself makes you less able to function in a normal way. I found that very much on Saturday. As soon as I stood up to play I was unable to relax. I was aware of really strange parts of my body - my shoulder blades, for example. I was suddenly very aware of how they rubbed against the silk of the dress and I was quite distracted by the sensation.

I did buy a fantastic pair of wedge shoes to play in as I really cannot play in heels. It is just too likely that my ankle might go over and did you ever hear of someone spraining their ankle while playing the violin? Exactly. I didn't want to be the first person ever to be that daft. I wore these but in blue. Very nice. So nice I wore them to school and bought myself another pair of brown leather wedges. So now I have a pair to wear with just about anything!

There you go then. I got through the embarrasing post. Lynne can come back anytime and I'll be over the weirdness, at least until Wednesday, when I'll see her again!

Holly's blog

2011-06-05T18:41:00.000+01:00

We spent the day with the Goodwyns. I managed to get some time to help Holly set up a blog and I am going back on Wednesday evening to help her get started.

She is a lovely, bubbly fourteen year old who has Cerebral Palsey and Epilepsy. The Epilepsy is entirely controlled using the Ketotonic Diet. She uses a wheelchair full time and has a very cool one that she controls and gives her a lot of independence.

If anyone knows of any blogs that Holly might enjoy because they are written by someone with similar lives, in anyway, including just being a fourteen year old girl who loves Zac Efron and Justin Beiber, I would be very grateful for the links.

I am also going to ask you all to go and comment once the blog is up and running. I'll let you know when!! Thanks.

Wedding gift

2011-06-04T11:06:00.000+01:00

I am playing for a friend and colleague's wedding today.

I haven't played a solo in public for a long time. It was probably for my brother's wedding and I was five months pregnant with Olivia and had to lean around the bump!

Today, there is no accompanist so I am playing to a cd backing track. I have to admit, I am finding this a bit of a challenge! With no communication between me and the pianist it feels really strange - like wearing gloves to shell peas! I was amazed to find how much I depend upon and enjoy the visual communication invloved in playing with another person.

Fortunately, the piece I am playing, Meditation for Thais by Massenet only has a couple of tricky corners and I know the cd well enough to be able to get through them but it feels incredibly strange.

The important thing though is that this music is a gift to the wedding couple and the wedding guests. It is not like a competition or end of course exam where you are being marked, nor like a concert where everyone is judging you. It matters less how well I play from that point of view and is therefore very freeing. I do not react well to being judged or marked but I do to hopefully giving pleasure.

I am incredibly nervous though. I will know every guest and if I drop the violin or play really badly there will be no-where to hide for the rest of my life! So, wish me luck, hope that the cd plays ok and that the sound system is good enough and that there are no obvious mess ups!

The adventures of Mr P

2011-06-02T22:06:00.000+01:00

I had Mr P over to visit today. Somehow he got it into his head that it would be a good idea for him to come to play at my house and play football with Johnny. When this got back to me I thought it was a great idea, checked with Johnny first and then invited him over.

He ended up arriving at 9am and going home a 6.30pm.

It was a really lovely, relaxed day. He had Johnny as his constant companion and guide. I have never heard a name said so many times but he was constantly calling for Johnny to look, help, admire. Johnny was patience itself. He played football, built dens, dug in the mud, made coats of arms, encouraged him to eat vegetables, encouraged him to jump off the climbing frame, taught him how to bowl a cricket ball, took him for a cross country run, played lego and match attacks and told him the time about fifty million times.

At the end of the day, after Mr P had gone home, Ed and I turned to Johnny and told him how proud we are of him. He admitted that he was worn out but he could see how happy Mr P was, especially as Johnny sent him home with a box of lego.

It was a good day. For everybody. But especially Mr P.

Options

2011-06-01T22:17:00.000+01:00

It seems I have narrowed the field down to two options when it comes to degrees and qualifications.

Both are through the Open University.

Option #1. is to take a degree in Early Years. My Montessori qualification is recognised and gives me the first year of the degree. I might be able to convert some of my B.Mus(Hons) into some of the second year but not much as the amount of required componants is almost two years. Only a little bit might be awarded as study skills or some-such! This option would take me two years to complete and at the end of it I would have a BA(Hons) in Early Years. This would be recognised by any school in the country and would qualify me to teach ages 0-7 years old. By 2015 it will be a requirement for every school to have a member of staff with an Early Years Professional Status (which is the post-graduate qualification that this leads onto) and there will be some schools struggling to have that. If I am lucky and am able to stay put then it may be that it will be beneficial for me and the school for me to have gained EYPS.

Option #2. is to get a degree in education through the Open University. This would take only one year as my degree and Montessori Diploma would count as two years of the degree. This would be recognised as a teaching qualification for years 1 - 13, or ages 5 -18. I spoke to an advisor this afternoon and she assured me that an open degree with the emphasis on education would be possible and recognised but I can't find that information on the website. Gaaaah!

Option #3. seems to have suggested itself to me which is that it may be possible for me to do the EYPS now, because I am a graduate.

This really isn't getting any easier to make a decision! Do I want to be qualified to work with 5-18 year olds or 0-7 year olds? Would it be beneficial to my school for me to gain my EYPS? If I did that, would it be the safety net I need it to be? Would my music degree, all my experience and an EYPS (which is a post-graduate qualification) be enough to get a job in a mainstream school if need be?

Why isn't there a sign somewhere that says "Anna's perfect qualification here"?!

Let's talk about sex

2011-05-31T22:59:00.000+01:00

When abi got her first period a couple of weeks ago her friends were all interested and supportive. A couple revealed that they had already started and were very sweet about helping her.

However, one friend had a little piece of advice that fortunately Abi chose to share with me. Her older sister had offered it to her one the occasion of her first period.

It was, "Never sleep in the same bed as a boy or you'll have a baby."

How many misconceptions (so to speak!) can we spot there?

#1. It doesn't necessarily happen in a bed, but if it does, it still counts as sexual intercourse. It doesn't even have to be lying down.

#2. Sleeping doesn't come into it.

#3. Sexual intercourse doesn't automatically lead to pregnancy.

Abi, Ed and I had an open and frank discussion to address these issues, which was followed up by more discussions to address other issues that I was keen to start awareness of.

I was keen to stress that sex is best between two people who are in love. It is hard to know if you are in love but if you aren't sure then you are not. The age of consent was mentioned. The fact that "going out with some-one" does not mean having sex with them. I told Abi that there are plenty of adults who choose not to have sex until they are sure. That mean, wait until marriage, or engagement, or moving in, or sometime a little less definite but that most certainly included both parties wanting to and not being forced to or feeling under pressure.

We talked a little about the kinds of things that people say to get the other person to have sex - you led me on, I thought you would, if you don't then you are frigid/a tease/don't love me. We talked about how to say no thanks. I am not ready, I feel too young, I love you but that doesn't mean we have to have sex. We talked about how the foundations of a good relationship, whether sexual or not is RESPECT and that might mean accepting that sex is not on the cards but still being in love and together. That saying "no" is not rejection.

There were some things that Abi beleived that were quite shocking. You had to have sex if you had a boyfriend and you were 16 or over. She was shocked that it was a choice, after that age. She was surprised that sex doesn't automatically lead to a baby. I pointed out that if that were the case she would have about 300 siblings! Her face was a picture (I think she was trying to get certain images out of her head!). She was very surprised that her dad had waited until the age of 30 to lose his virginity with me. I told her how precious it was to me that he had prefered to wait for someone he really loved rather than give in to curiosity. I told her I wished I had waited and not felt pressurised by my ex-boyfriend to have sex with him because it had not been "making love" and that was what is really important.

I think this topic is going to be a constant for a while and I know that it was a lot of information in one go and yet not everything she needs to know. Hopefully we can keep this line of communication open throughout her adolescence and help her to be confident in her choices.

Next up - STD's. Mmmmmm, now when would be a good time to open that discussion?!!!! A couple of years yet, maybe?!!!

Less that stellar parenting moments

2011-05-29T09:42:00.000+01:00

In order to balance out your potential opinion of me as a great mother and shining example of how to parent let me tell you about yesterday.

I was in a funny, leave me alone mood. It happens to me quite frequently but usually I push through and find a few minutes to myself at some point and we all end up relaitively ok. Yesterday, though, I was still smarting from some things my father-in-law had said to Ed the preveious day and I was uncharacteriscally mulling over them.

In the afternoon I needed to get some plants for the garden and Ed had promised to take Johnny to do some cricket practice. I took the girls with me.

As we reached the garden centre I made them promise that there would be no nagging for toys or sweets. They absolutely promised. Then I made my first tactical error. Abi asked if she could go off and browse by herself. I said yes. Big mistake. She headed straight for the toy section and stayed there for the duration of the shopping trip.

Then Livi spotted a bag of polished stones and begged for them to make a fairy house. I agreed. Tactical error number two. Never give in!

When we went to find Abi she spotted the stones and immediately asked for a cheap toy, the same monetary value. I said yes. She chose a wriggly worm. Error number three, it shoud have been stones or nothing.

At the checkout Livi saw what Abi had and changed her ind about the stones. I said no because my arms were breaking with the weight of what I was carrying and we had got to the front of the queue. Cue huge tantrum. Abi offered to go halves on the stones and the worm. I got us all the hell out of there.

In the car on the way home the tantrum continued. Abi joined in.

I asked for quiet so I wouldn't crash the car and made the fatal threat -If I hear one more word about this I will throw the stones and the worm out of the window.

Silence for about a minute, if that. Then Livi started again about going back and buying her a worm too.

Before I knew what was happening I had let down the passenger window and the stones and the worm had flown out, narrowly missing Abi's nose and landed on the grass verge.

There was a shocked silence and then total mayhem.

I was shouting that I would never give into nagging again and it was all my fault for being weak. Abi was shouting at Livi that she hated her and that she (Abi) shouldn't have nagged and then it wouldn't have happened and Livi was shouting that she hated herself and if she had been quiet then they would still have had the stones and the worm.

All in all, not good.

Lesson learnt.

Do not give in when you have already said no. Especially when you could see what was going to happen from the moment the trip to the garden centre was planned.

Considering the future

2011-05-28T07:59:00.000+01:00

I have really put a lot of effort into considering what I am going to do next.
I am disapointed to find that unless I take two years out of The Meadows and go and do a PGCE and the following year of teaching to gain Qualified Teacher Status then there is no other direct route to what I want, which is QTS without leaving The Meadows.

However, I could get myself "nearly there" and if the situation arose where I absolutely had to leave my school to get a better paid job then I would be in the position of being able to apply for some but not all mainstream jobs. I would be able to apply for those that said that graduates may apply or those who were about to embark on their NQT year.

The way I could do this would be to get myself a degree in Education - a B Ed (hons). If I had that, and the teaching practice I have then I think I could find a school that would be prepared to support me through the NQT year.

If I don't ever need to leave The Meadows because Ed doesn't have a crisis of some sort or he does but the school is on such a fantastic financial footing that I am earning £25,000 a year (or even £20,000 pa!) then all would be well and the degree would be something that the school could highlight as something that made us a well rounded educational institution.

So. It looks as though I need to choose a course that will allow me to work towards being a fully qualified teacher in my own time.

Whatever I choose it is going to be hard work!

The greatest compliment I have ever been given

2011-05-27T22:10:00.000+01:00

I have a friend who's eldest child was injured at birth by the very doctors and nurses that were supposed to be protecting her. Through some very bad decisions and negligence this healthy and perfect baby was born with brain damage due to severe oxygen deprivation. Her parents, being a GP and a nurse were only too aware of the situation, even as they were experiencing it but were powerless to change anything. When her father held her for the first time, he knew that she was so floppy, there must be brain damage.

She has Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy. The epilepsy is controlled amazingly through diet alone at the moment. The CP means that she cannot live an independent life but will need round the clock care for the rest of her life. This beautiful young lady is now fourteen years old.

I met the family when Abigail started school. Holly's younger brother is in Abi's year and so I had the opportnity to make friends with her mother. I was already well on the way to being good friends with Lynn before I realised that she had an older child too.

Meeting Holly seven years ago was quite a shocking experience for me. She was having frequent seizures, which were extremely debilitating for her. She was underwieght, tiny for her age and frail. Lynn worried that she might not survive for much longer, her body simply not being able to take much more of the punishing routine of enormous drug overload, three or even more big seizures a week and many little ones too.

I loved Holly on sight. I do not know why. She had a something that made me believe that beneath all the sedation and spaced-outness that went along with her seizures there was a spirit that was totaly at odds with her external appearance.

Over the years our families have become very close. We can go for months without seeing each other but fall back into rude banter and confidential conversations before the first glass of wine has been poured. The children all get on well and disappear for an afternoon with no problems.

Over the last few months Holly has been having a rough time. Her parents always hoped that she would be able to integrate into mainstream school and make friends there. The reality has been hard for all of them to take. Holly has been crying herself to sleep. It seems that there are not many teenagers who will take the time to learn how to listen to Holly whose CP makes her speech difficult but not impossible to understand. I have to concentrate very hard but once I have my ears back in tune then I can have a conversation without any translation necessary.

Integration has not happened and Holly will be moving to a school for children with physical and learning difficulties full time after the holiday. She has friends there, who she socialises with out of school and who are on her wave-length.

Unfortunately she has been taking out her frustration and unhappiness on her carers, one of whom has resigned due to Holly's bad treatment of her. Although it is understandable that she should take out her feelings it is not the best way forwards and her parents called in the Neurological behavioural specialists. They suggested that Holly might benefit from a mentor. Some-one that she likes and trust, who knows her well, doesn't patronise her, nor make assumptions. This person would be able to talk to Holly, listen to her, keep her confidences and give advice that would be listened to.

Amazingly, it seems that person is me.

I can think of no great compliment. I am honoured.

News

2011-05-26T21:43:00.000+01:00

It rained. In fact it poured but the ground is still rock hard and there are no puddles. I don't know where it all went but all that rain has gone and I still had to water my plants this evening!

It is very strage weather.

In other news..... It is Abi and Johnny's sports day tomorrow. Last year Johnny came second in his year and Abi came last. I have already written asking that Abi not do the 400m or the 800m. I'm all for participation and learning that taking part is the important part but I am not in favour of humiliation in front of 500 parents and grandparents. Last year she finished the 400m a good 45 seconds after the rest of the girls running the race and it is just not necessary!

Johnny on the other hand is gutted that he doesn't get to do the 800m until next year or the 1,500m for another 2 years.

How did I end up with such different children?!!

Let it rain

2011-05-26T07:32:00.000+01:00

Finally - after two months of almost no rain at all the weather forecast says thunder and torrential rain in Eastern England. I know it will turn all the grass to mud because all the grass is dead and brown but

WE

NEED

RAIN.

I am going out now to do a rain dance!

Joke

2011-05-25T20:51:00.000+01:00

A man goes into a pub and goes to the cigarette machine. He puts his money in and the machine starts yelling at him, "Oy, ugly. Get lost and don't come back."

The man is rather startled and goes to the bar to ask the barman what is going on. On the bar is a bowl of peanuts which starts talking in a gentle voice, "ooh, you are lovely. What gorgeous hair you have and what an intelligent face!"

The man turns to the barman and asks, "What's going on?"

The barman replies, "The cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary."

GCSE Biology

2011-05-22T20:50:00.000+01:00

I am booking my exam for the 25th of June. I don't really wnat to but I am forcing myself to get it done.

I have no idea what, if anything I am going to do with it but if I have it then it frees me up for doing all sorts of things in the future.

I am so pulled in all sorts of directions over this issue of next steps that I can hardly think straight about it.

At the moment I am a teacher in practice but am unqualified, even according to non-recognised (Montessori or other "alternative" teaching philosophies) accreditations. I probably wouldn't get an interview with a mainstream school for an equivilent job.

My qualifications are a degree in music (honours) and my Montessori Early Childhood certifiacte. However, I didn't ever do my teaching practice and the qualification is not recognised outside of the Montessori community. At the moment that doesn't matter. My job would be the same whether or not I did have a PGCE (which is the teacher qualification in England and Wales).

I feel that my school would benefit from having at least one of us with a PGCE. Some parents might like it if there was a "trained" teacher. I looked at other established Montessori primary schools in England and the best of them have teachers who are both Montessori and state trained, so in the future it might be a benefit for the school.

Also, from a security point of view, if Ed died then I might need to find a better paid job to support my family. I know that seems morbid but he is morbidly over-weight, has diabetes, high blood pressure and is approaching 50 years old. It isn't nice but I am a realist and I might be left with three children to support in the fairly near future. He is working hard to prevent it but you just never know.

Now, the two big problems as far as I see them are

#1. There will never be a great time as far as school is concerned for me to take a year out to do the PGCE. I don't think I can do it at school because there is no-one that the University courses would accept to mentor me. Also, most courses involve spending time in two contrasting schools so a replacement for me would be a necessity. The school is very young still and going through great changes as it expands. The next five years are going to be enormously exciting but are going to need as much stability as possible. Having a member of staff disappear for a year will not be helpful. I love my school and my coleagues. If there was an easy way to get a teaching qualification that was recognised by everyone I would take it, for the sake of the school as much as for my personal reasons. If nothing happens to Ed I have no plans to leave the school. If Ed died and Sam could magically produce an extra £15,000 a year there would be no question of leaving. It is only a question of supporting my family if that situation arises.

#2. The course is incredibly hard work and very time consuming. Given that I have three children who I have worked very hard to bring up in a way that I feel is the best I can manage, would I or they benefit from me being missing in action for a year? Would Abigail in particular benefit enough in the long run to make the short term worth while?

The alternatives to the PGCE are to do a part time degree in Education through the Open University and hope that the combination of that degree and a huge amount of teaching would count in my favour if I needed to change jobs. There is a degree that includes Montessori Elementary training but I don't know enough about that and I cannot find the information online. If that allowed me to get a degree that was recognised generally and would be useful in getting a mainstream job if necessary that would be ideal.

So - turmoil. This is a large part of what keeps me awake at night - what if Ed dies, what will I do to support the children, are we prepared for the worst, even while hoping it never happens, could I cope with a PGCE, could my family?

First things first - pass the wretched Biology GCSE - I need that to get onto a PGCE course and presumably any other teaching course too.

spring fever

2011-05-21T18:40:00.000+01:00

The need to clean has finally hit. It seems rather late this year, I am sure last year it was nearer to March.

Still, never mind. Better late than never!

As always, spring cleaning comes with a large dose of decluttering and I found some really great motherlodes of clutter. The best example was a huge pile of VHS videos, kept on the shelf despite not having had a video player for the past three or four years. It was so sweet to pile them up and get them out of the house!

I have had a move around in the living room and finally, after seven years of living here I feel we have a configuration of furniture that feels homey and comfortable but also clear and easy to keep clean.

We recently inherited an Irish Wake Table, which has been put at one end of the room. There is a second leaf that can be pput up to make a circular table but we have it flat against the wall. The plan is to do homework up her rather than in the kitchen. I think that will work better as the children and their father are not always the best combination when it comes to homework!

The other end of the room has the TV and the fireplace. The coffee table is in fact a box that was downstairs with the dressing up clothes in. Today, it moved upstairs to the livingroom and was filled with the photos that had been living in lots of baskets all over the place. The baskets have gone into the loft for the moment and the clutter is gone!

Peer pressure

2011-05-20T21:44:00.000+01:00

Livi is putting up with a lot at the moment.

I have to remember that she is at an age when childrens' development is all over the place. Some children are very young and others more mature. An individual child might exhibit bith young and mature behaviour in a single minute.

I don't for one minute think that Livi is an angel, even at school where, she puts herself under tremendous pressure to be "good" all the time. However, she will take a fair amount of rubbish from the other children.

This morning, I was doing her hair. I suggested that we put her hair up in what we very elegantly call a "side-sprout". This is where you pull the fringe and the front pf the hair up into an elastic band and leave the rest hanign loose down the back. A side sprout is the same but to the side, to account for a side parting, which Livi has. She immediately said that she couldn't because Amy and Eden don't like it like that.

I counted to 10 and then pointed out that she might not like their hair styles but that I was sure she wouldn't point that out them. I told her it was her choice how she wore her hair and that if her friends didn't like it then she was to simply point out that they were free to wear their hair however they liked and she could wear hers however she liked. If they continued to comment then she could tell them that they were hurting her feelings.

As it happened, no-one commented on her hair today. It is a hard lesson to learn, how to respond to hurtful comments. Livi doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings in return but I feel that she should stand up for herself and learn how to respond in a firm but fair manner.

Hard!

So hard that I know many adults who would struggle to do so, including myself sometimes. Maybe I am hoping that I can help Livi avoid that problem by learning how to deal with it now.

Abi would llike you to know...

2011-05-16T22:01:00.000+01:00

that she has had her first period. It started while she was away on PGL but the teachers were lovely and helpful and I had sent her fully equipped so she managed. It was terribly short, only 1 day! She was already finished by the time she got home today and I expect it will take a while before it all gets going properly.

We are going to celebrate once she is over the tiredness of three nights of talking into the night!

New camera

2011-05-15T20:44:00.000+01:00

I went for it and bought a camera. Being a tight-wad I ended up buying a reconditioned second hand Canon Powershot A480. I got it for just over half full price and it is as good as new.

In celebration of such a momentous event I bring you photos of our weekend!

Abigail does not feature as she is away on her fist ever school trip. Let's not talk about that. I am being very brave and I imagine she is having a fantastic time and will be absolutely horrible on her return as she goes into mourning for life with friends, doing exciting and vaguely dangerous activities and talking into the night.

So, with only Johhny and Livi around you might think it would be a quiet kind of a weekend. Certainly not.

On Saturday we went to watch Johnny play cricket in a tournament at a local independent boarding school.
!

There were lots of tournaments being played and finding our pitch was pretty hard as there were nosigns or anything like that. However, we spotted some of the team and were fine after that. Thank goodness as Ed was like a geyser about to blow. He is embarrassing enough as it is without having half of Ipswich watch him have a toddler style meltdown because he can't find the right pitch!

The weather was dreadful to begin with. We wondered if the whole thing might be called off as huge black clouds drove over us and unleashed a torrential downpour. It was over in ten minutes and the rest of the afternoon was bright but cold and blustery. Black clouds skirted around the school but managed to avoid hitting us

Johnny played from 2pm until 6.30pm which, under the circumstances was more than enough!

Today Livi and I went to a fete at a local stately home. We watched Punch and Judy, which I hate with a vengeance but as you can see, Livi thought otherwise!

We also watched some Morris dancers which was just lovely, in a very Morrissy way. They are considered a bit old fashioned and rubbish by a lot of people but the background to them is fascinating and a little knowledge makes them more enjoyable. They are a link back more than 2000 years to our pagan past. Livi found them curious!

And here is a picture of my gorgeous Livi, just because I can!

Digging

2011-05-15T18:00:00.000+01:00

My Livi, is, as you know if you have been following for the past week or so, being difficult. I beleive I may be getting to the bottom of it.

Getting to the bottom of it required, as it generally does, time and effort on my part. Time and coversation really.

This afternoon Johnny took part in a cricket tournament. Livi had to come and it was looking like being a long, damp and chilly afternoon for her. Then her friend Amy turned up to watch her brother Nathan, Johnny's bset friend, whos is, like Johnny in all' the a teams, whatever the sport. We spend a lot of time on touchlines with Nathan's family!

Liv and Amy went off to play but every now and again, one of them would come back in tears. When we asked what the matter was Amy was quick to point the finger at Livi and "tell" that she was not playing nicely. Livi was quiet and needed reassurance to go off and play again. Amy's mum would tell Amy not to be mean or to play with Liv rather than just tell her what to do but it was obvious to me that there was something rumbling under the surface that was more than simply two girls both wanting a game to ge there way.

On the way home Live told us that Amy, who has a minor heart condition, had told Livi that she was more special than Livi because of this condition. Apparently, she has been using this condition as a way of getting what she wants, as in, "If you don't my heart might go wrong and I'll die."
I think that might explain why Livi has been so difficult. She has been living with the worry that she might kill Amy with a single unkind word or thoughtless action, or even by playing with a different child.

Once I had got all the murderous thoughts out of my head and rationally thought how sad Amy must be feeling to be saying these things to Livi, I set about educating Livi as to Amy's actual condition. We worked out that there was nothing Livi could say or do in a normal day to cause Amy to even get ill. In fact, that this way true in any circumstance. We talked about how people say things to make themselves feel better and that is true for all of us. Liv was able to think of lots of times she had said something mean to another person because of something that had happened to make her feel sad or angry in a different part of her life.

We then practiced saying things to Amy like, "I know you would like to play with me but I would like to play with Lily. Would you like to play too?", but then going and playing with Lily regardless of what Amy said back. We also practiced saying "Mummy explained what is wrong with your heart and that the doctors are keeping an eye on it but that it is getting better as you grow up." so that Amy knows that Livi has the full facts.

It is going to take more than this I know but I have already seen a change in Livi's behaviour at home. Maybe she has been worrying that Amy has died and it is her fault? Anyway, she is back to her normal, cheery, cheeky self which is a relief!

Digging all this out of Livi has been hard because she is a loyal friend and doesn't want Amy to be in trouble. however, I beleive she has learnt a good lesson about not bottling up worries but asking me or her dad for some advice. It has taught me that I must listen, not just to the words my children say but to their behaviour, and ask myself what it might be telling me. Words and actions might sometimes be telling more than is apparent at first glance. I am guilty of thinking of Livi as my baby. SHe is not. She is a sophisticated and intelligent six and a half year old and deserves to be treated as such.

2011-05-10T21:36:00.000+01:00

It's funny. Some times I think I should write but there doesn't seem to be much to write about, certainly nothing important or worth sharing. Other times I could pick many different subjects and write endlessly about all of them.

Today is a latter type of day. Rather than write too much and bore you all to sleep (or towards the little x button in the top right hand corner of the screen) I'll give you a little run down of the bees in my bonnet. Who knows, maybe a little outing will stop them buzzing so hard!

1. Abi is pulling again. We are fighting hard to stop her from falling down the guilt rabbit hole. I don't know if we are suceeding but I just have to keep reassuring her that blame is not a part of what we feel about it and guilt is not a necessary reaction.

2. Livi is reacting to our new measures. We are trying to keep our tempers and show no reaction to her tantrums at all. She initially reacted by upping the ante and waiting with a cheery gleam in her eye for a great reaction. Instead we all said calmly, "We do not like the noise you are making so we are all going to eat breakfast in the garden. When you have finished your tantrum we would love you to join us." When he followed us into the garden still tantrumming, we did the same but went back to the kitchen, only this time I stayed outside to remind her that the others deserved to eat in peace and she could join them when she was ready. It worked! We have had little chats about other ways of making herself heard and I have been making a point of spending pleasant time with her and telling her how much I enjoy that. Coming out of school is still a painful and teeth clenchingly tantrummy time but Ed has to deal with that. We need a plan!

3. I became aware of how selfish I was being after school and have made a huge effort to be less tired and prone to hiding away and resenting the children wanting me. Instead I am available for a chat or a play or to help with homework and we are all happier. Duh! Of course.

4. My garden is making me very happy. I have spent hours out there moving tonnes of earth and making patios and flowerbeds and planting a herb bed and lots of flowers. My parents came over last week and refused to beleive we hadn't employed a company to landscape it. It is tiny though! 20ft square maximum. It looks good now though - like an outdoor room. I just need to sort out beside the house and the front garden now. I am sure my neighbours wish I had done that first but I needed my sanity first!

5. Ed went to the Diabetes clinic and has lost 21 lb's. His sugar levels are good and steady and his blood pressure is normal. Only another 100 lb's to go. I am not joking by the way. I haven't written much about the Diabetes, mostly because I was so angry when he was diagnosed. Firstly, he almost killed himself, his sugar levels were so high. Secondly, he had been warned for years that he was settign himself up for a stroke, a heart attack or diabetes. Has it made him lose weight? No not especially. Does it scare the life out of me that he will have a stroke or a heart attack? Why, yes it does, actually. I can't talk to him about it though. He knows, so it would be nagging on a grand scale which is entirely pointless. He has such issues and it has only been this year that he has been able to see a shrink and start facing up to them. I think that explains why I am able to write about my children but not Ed, so much. It is too painful and what would I write? I love him but am angry with him.

6. I am still reading and thinking a lot about faith and Judaism and so on. I haven't written about it because it is hard to fit it all in and really digest what I have read. When I have anything more to add I will! I am very happy to be reading Seek my Face by Arthur Green. It is easy to read but challenging and I feel stretched already!

So, there are my bees! I hope they stop buzzing enough to let me sleep!

Frustration

2011-05-08T21:00:00.000+01:00

I am guessing that frustration is at the source of Livi's behaviour. It must be hard to be the youngest.

I am the oldest of three children and found the pressure of doing everything first, fighting every battle first and being responsible for the younger two very hard. Some of my worst traits - not being able to have a confrontation and being scared of discussions in case they go nasty; not wanting to take responsibility for anything pertaining to myself (is this why I have still not booked my biology exam?) and having a need to look after people, are because if being the eldest.

I presume there are similar traits that youngest children aquire. Never being the first to do anything and the comparisons that can go along with that; never being the best at anything because the older children are further along the developmental road, although that evens out in the late teens, it is a long time to wait; wanting to be treated equally and not understanding that it would not be fair on older siblings for the youngest to get to do things earlier than they had to wait.

I know, from talking to my youngest brother that he felt less significant than me or my other brother because I was musical and Richard good at sports and Jonathan had some poor teachers who held him back academically. He ended up with by far the best academic qualifications but it hasn't stopped him from feeling he achieved less.

Is this what Livi is feeling? How do I even start to talk to her about it when she is only six and a half and has a whole lot more growing up to do before she can start to appreciate situations from this point of view.

My husband and I ensure that every child gets half an hour, at least, alone with a parent every day. Music practice and help with homework etc does not count. We spend time doing something that child enjoys - a board game, reading a book, making something or just chatting.

Because we are a Montessori house, we work hard to make sure that there is nothing a child could do that is made impossible because it is set up for big people. Jugs are managable, the bathroom has everything to hand for even the shortest, clothes are accessible. Independence is encouraged everywhere. Our older two are proud of being able to make me a cup of tea independently. Livi will be taught as soon as she is tall enough to manage the kettle safely (it is a stove top one).

To the outside world she is angelic. Her teachers can never beleive that she could so much as say no, let alone have a huge temper tantrum or whine like a toddler. I think part of what we are witnessing is a reaction to that. She observes when people behave badly towards her at school, or say mean things, yet she will always work in a very mature fashion to help find a compromise or to swallow back her angry replies and be "good". I have encouraged her to be less of a doormat but she is intent on being "good" at school. i think we are paying the price. I have also noticed that during the holidays the behaviour disappears over time.

I cannot change my family! I have three children and Livi is the youngest. I do not want her to have to be "good" at home. What I am aiming for is for Livi to find a different way of letting me know when something is wrong, without it being a whine, or worse.

You are all very wise. You have children or have been a child. Many of you work or have worked with children. I am too close to this to see rationally. I am sure you have suggestions. What can we try?

My head may split

2011-05-07T16:44:00.000+01:00

Livi is going through yet another period of testing us far beyond our limits.

She is shrieking at her siblings as soon as they do something to upset her. It has got to the point where they don't want her in their games because she has a tantrum within seconds of it all starting. I can understand their point!

She is also gone back to trying to make mealtimes a major battle. This seems to be her choice of great place to flex her "I'm a big, independent girl" muscles. Unfortunately, although we are willing to discuss what is going to be cooked, accept likes and dislikes, once the meal is on the table, that is all that is on offer. Eat it or don't eat it but there are no other meals on offer.

I am madly reading through all my books on child development and sadly, they all seem to be saying the same thing. She is the youngest. Therefore she sees older siblings being allowed more independence and being more skillful. She is very frustrated that she is not allowed or not able to do the same things. It doesn't matter that Abi couldn't mow the lawn at 6 years old, Livi wants to do what Abi is doing and there is no alternative that we can offer he that is acceptable to her.

She knows that the tone of her voice has a big impact on how we repsond, yet she still lacks the self control to prevent it becoming screechy and awful if she is upset over something.

I do understand how frustrating this is for her but as it is not going to change until they are all adults I have to find some sort of way for helping her and helping us.

In the meantime my head may split.

May

2011-05-02T18:53:00.000+01:00

Happy May, everyone.

This time nine years ago, I was in hospital, feeling very down because I had a huge baby still inside me despite having had two pessaries put in to try and get labour going. Seeing as I had been having contractions every twenty minutes since I was thirty two weeks pregnant and was now fourty one weeks, I was on the vocal side of pissed off! If I had known I had another twenty five hours to wait to meet him I think I might have gone bonkers! Yep, Johnny will be nine tomorrow!

I baked him a cake today. He isn't that keen on cake but when we talked about it he decided on a chocolate sponge covered with vanilla icing..... in the shape of a turtle! OH YES!!! I have baked a turtle cake!

He is very difficult to buy anything for because he doesn't really want anything. He doesn't like lego, or anything that you can add to. He likes to selelct his own books so there is no point in trying to choose one. In fact, he'll most likely refuse to read one that is reccomended. If I think he'll like a book I either have to sit on him and read it out loud, then he is sometimes hooked and will keep reading himself, or I have to leave a book out, open with a chocolate or something tempting on it so that he might just read a little and decide to keep going!

In the end Ed took him to buy him a cricket bat as he is good enough to warrant a quality bat. I love the cricket season. I fully intend to enjoy this years matches with something fizzy in hand and somewhere comfortable to sit!

Abi made me laugh today. She told me that she likes me best when I cuddle her or when I am really silly. She let slip that she would do anything I asked if I am silly about it. I'll have to remember that!

So, there's the beginning of May. It is sunny outside and sunny inside!

2011-04-28T21:13:00.000+01:00

I ache with tiredness so this will be short.

I have spent Passover thinking about how to free us from the cycle of the children reacting in a specific way to me, or each other or my husband. Free choice is all very well but if it is an illusion then something needs to change.

The question is - how?

As a Montessorian I observe before doing anything else. I have hunches but I need to watch and see if I am right before I do anything.

My hunches are that everything depends very much on how tired we are. If we are all well rested and in good spirits then the outcome of interactions are freer. If anyone is tired, hungry, under the weather or in any way not on top form then there is a distinct possibility that interactions will go in a predictable way. If more than one person is cranky then watch out for those fireworks, it gets explosive around here!

The hard thing about this is that if I am the tired or otherwise cranky person then I can have a disasterous outcome on my otherwise happy and contented family. My hunch is that I have more of an impact than anyone else. Whether this is because I am the mummy, and therefore the centre of the family (that is the way it works here, for my family) or because I have a strong personality I don't know.

More observing needed.

One thing to remember. I don't have to be perfect. I do need to be good enough.

If I am right I need a strategy because I am often cranky.

i-pad

2011-04-26T21:29:00.000+01:00

My mother in law gave us an i-pad!

I know!!

How cool is that?!!!

Can I jsut say, the Montessori apps are crap. The whole point of Montessori is the way the materials lead the child from a concrete exploration of a concept through gradually less concrete explorations until they arrive at an abstract understanding, usually after a few years of exploring the concept in various forms. The pink tower and broad stair doesn't work on a smooth screen in 2D.

However, there are many apps that are just plain cool and that are wel worth getting my filthy mitts on!

A new favourite is one where you walk through the Solar System, looking in detatil at planets and moons and the sun. My son spent about an hour on that one and he is desparate for the weekend so he can look at more. He has got out his space books in the meantime to verify some new facts and just enjoy again.

I also found a free app that lets you compose music and then manipulate it to make it sound different. It makes beautiful music very quickly and the possiblilties for changing the sounds are great. Abi had a go and was using very mathematical language to describe what she was doing. I was impressed with her explanations of ratios and sequencing.

Then there is the ubiquitous Angry Birds!

Finally, I downloaded a Hummingbird bakery app. It was somewhat tortuous in the middle of passover but now we are through I can feel a cake making session coming on!!!

Hmmmm, how about Red velvet cupcakes?!!!

Camera

2011-04-21T07:37:00.000+01:00

It is time I bought a camera. One that works preferably!

I have a terrible track record with cameras and have probably got no talent when it comes to taking photos at all but.... I want to be able to put photos up here and I feel sad that the only photos I have of my kids growing up are whatever other kind people send me.

I have been browsing for cameras and the different possibilities are mind boggling. So, bearing in mind that I am on a budget and cannot afford a Canon a40 or something gorgeous like that, and that I have no experience so need something easy to use, does anyone have any recommendations?

Thanks everyone!!

Tomato Soup and Ice Cream

2011-04-19T21:23:00.000+01:00

My poor boy.

He does get in the wars.

Today he endured another trip to the minor injuries unit because he had an injury to his neck that needed checking out. He has been enjoying attending a rugby course but tackled a much bigger boy today and got it (literally) in the neck.

It turned out to be just a bruise and painkillers were all that could be suggested. Which is a relief. He is insisting he'll be well enough to attend tomorrow. As it is the last day, I can't blame him. This is the day that the professional players come and give the boys some encouragement and hand out medals for attending.

So, why is this post called Tomato Soup?

What else do you serve to your favourite boy who has a painful neck?

In time honoured fashion I made it up as I went along, using whatever veggies were at hand. I added a new ingredient today - grated potato, from which I washed the starch out of before putting in the pot to try and prevent the glueyness you can get with potato. It was a pretty basic lot of veg today - a leek, onion, garlic, celery, grated carrot fried gently in oil for ten minutes then I added grated potato and two cans of tomatoes. Simmer that with a bay leaf and some veggie boullion and seasoning and bob's your uncle!

I made a kind of pesto with herbs from the garden and cashew nuts for those who wanted some and there was cream to drizzle if people wanted too. It was served up with Matzahs, as it is Passover and therefor no bread for a week.

For pudding it was ice-cream. Abi and I had vanilla with golden syrup poured over. Ed couldn't get over that but it was truly amazing! Johnny and Liv had chocolate ice-cream.

I love chocolate but have never really got on with chocolate ice-cream. For me, the great thing is the way chocolate melts at body temperature. Ice-cream just doesn't work properly. It doens't taste absoloutely like chocolate either, just chocolatish. Which is simply not good enough!

So there you have one of my mama-secrets. Tomato soup is the cure to many, if not all, ills.

Including a bruised neck!

Passover

2011-04-17T22:06:00.000+01:00

Passover starts tomorrow night. Jewish days start in the evening because it says in Genesis - "It was evening, it was morning and that was the first day". So, our days start at sundown!

We will be going to London to share the Seder meal with Ed's family and another family they always share Passover with. There will be around thirty people altogether and at least eight of them are children so it should be a fun evening.

The Seder is the service that precedes the meal. Seder is Hebrew for order and the service follows a particular order. The idea of the Seder is to give everyone present an experience of what it was like to be and Israelite. As it says, we should feel that we are coming out of Egypt, oursleves, every year.

I like it. I like symbolic things that allow one to make the experience personal. I like the rituals that are repeated every year and gain a new significance with each year that passes. I like being made to face ideas and issues that are beyond the everyday. I think this is one of Judaisms great strengths. Over the year, every emotion, every type of issue is presented as central to particular festivals and we can, if we wish, really take them on.

Passover's issue is freedom. Obviously, freedom has a particular resonance with the older generations, some of whom are living reminders of the Holocaust and what a lack of freedom really means.

There are other freedoms that we can look at too. Are we really free in this country? Do we use that freedom wisely? Are our minds and outlooks free or are they trapped in particular mindsets? Is freedom something we routinely grant to others or do we really trap them by our behaviour?

This last is what I am going to focus on this week. I have a sneaky and uncomfortable feeling that I initiate some of the behaviour of my loved ones (children and adults) and if I am right then niether I nor they are as free as we should be.

Music

2011-04-16T08:16:00.000+01:00

A bit of light relief after the rant last time!

As you may know, music is a big part of our lives. Everyone in my family play at least two instruments and practice them every day. I believe that little and often is the best way forwards, so even the older children only practice for around twenty minutes at a time. I sometimes sit with them and help them practice but I also give them free reign.

Last night, I got out my violin and started playing Trad Irish tunes. I had lessons before children because Ed is a "Trad-head" and he was very keen we should be able to play together. It is not as simple as reading the music and off you go. The skill that trad players have is nothing to do with technique, but all to do with "swing" and aural traditions. I am not a great trad player, but good enough to play along with. Ed plays the Bodhran (said Bor-ron, the Irish frame drum) so a fiddle and drum is a good combination.

Last night, Johnny and Livi got their cellos out. We played a couple of pieces that Johnny has learnt with his teacher; The Irish Washer Woman and another peice that worked well. Johnny played the tunes, Ed played his violin and put in some harmonies, I worked out a part for Livi that she could play using only her open strings and I played the tune with Johnny putting in some extra ornamentation. It sounded awesome!

Livi was then very keen that we should play Molly Malone, so we worked that out. We used the same arrangement and it sounded beautiful. Livi sang and played and was so happy she could take part on an equal footing.

Next time we will make sure that Abi is also involved. She was intent on doing something else last night but a clarinet would add something very special.

There is a freedom in playing together in this way that isn't present in any other type of music making. I didn't experience it until I was an adult and it changed my playing, gave me more freedom and courage to try new ways of playing. At the moment all my playing is freestyle! I am looking to find an orchestra to join because I miss that kind of playing now, but it has taken almost five years to feel it is time to return to it.

I wish I had a photo or a video of us playing. It wasn't very polished or wonderful but I am going to want to remember this kind of music making because time moves so fast. In five years time Livi will be Abi's age and Abi will be nearly 16 and everything will be different again.

Squabbling

2011-04-14T20:19:00.000+01:00

Squabbling.

I hate it.

Mum took the children out today. They went to a castle, had a picnic and went to Sutton Hoo (where the viking ship burial is).

Apparently, Abigail was angel child and the other two were quabbling monsters. As they so often are. Especially with my mum.

I HATE it.

I have had a chat with Livi who is the arch-whiner. She can start at breakfast and we think, she's hungry, get some food into her and she'll stop. But she doesn't. I get to lunch and realise that she has moaned and whinged all morning.

She's SIX years old. Too old to be asked to use her words and asked to speak because I can't understand her whingey voice. I am not (NOT) spanking any more. I am trying to be a responsive, loving and attatched parent.

But how do I do that when I want to shout, spank, detatch from her to save my own sanity.

Especially when you add Johnny. He gets into the mood to upset everyone and look out. He will push every button going. He gets so that it seems I have to shout, threaten to slap, send him to his room for a time out before he will stop. It seems such a selfish thing to be doing. He's nearly none years old. Old enough to know that he can stop, he has a choice and making everyone's life miserable should not be an option.

There.

My children are not perfect and they have driven me mad. And I didn't even have them today.

What makes me really mad is they have been looking forward to seeing their Gran all week but they completely spoiled it.

I have had THE CHAT with Livi. Ed is having it with Johnny right now. It has to stop.

The whingeing, bickering, one-up-manship, selfish, manipulative behaviour has to stop.

The question is.

How?

HOW people?

I need the attatchment parenting, non-violent, child-respecting parents to give me a pointer.

How?

Enjoying the spring weather.

2011-04-12T20:42:00.000+01:00

We have been getting out and about this week, enjoying the perfect weather. As a family we love getting out into the countryside. I am amazed that I can announce we are going out and the main argument will be over where we go rather than complaints about the walk itself.

This is my favourite time of year. The birdsong is incredible, the new growth on the trees is making a green mist and the primroses and daffodils make a beautiful yellow carpet in the woods.

In Suffolk we have so many different landscapes to choose from.

By the coast there is a serene but bleak beauty. The soil is sandy and the vegetation is low and bushy. The sky takes up four fifths of the view and on a sunny day there is a feeling of eternity there. On an overcast day the clouds rush over just like in a Constable painting.

In-land, the landscapes change. There is a gentle roll to the land and the fields are broken up with small copses and hedges. I have noticed that over the last ten years more areas for wild life are being created around the edges of fields or in secluded corners. Suffolk suffered in the 1950's from the industrialisation of farming. Suffolk turned into one huge wheat field. Now, though, the old ways are being resurrected and reintroduced and the result is more wildlife and plants.

This week we have visited Newbourne Springs.

This is a lovely walk. The first time we went, Livi must have been about three years old and it took us an hour and half to get round the whole loop. Yesterday, we took Abi's friend (also called Abigail!) and it took us just under an hour. We could have stayed longer to play pooh-sticks except there was another family hogging the bridge and they weren't sharing. Sad, but not worth an arguement over. Newbourne is near to the sea but it feels far inland because it is in a sheltered valley and doesn't seem to get battered by the winds that fly in from Siberia. It is an ancient wood, at least 600 years old and the Romans had a camp there.

Today we stayed closer to home and went for a walk starting from the village of Tuddenham.

It is a circular walk, only about three miles long but quite hilly and isolated. Here the skies are huge, today the clouds were threatening rain and scudding over us low and grey. The sheep had month old lambs that were beyond the leggy stage and into the headbutting, running around in gangs stage. They were hilarious, starting races out of nowhere, butting into each other, slipping down the river bank. The mother sheep kept calling them back but only the very smallest were taking much notice and even then only went a few steps before turning round and rejoining the gang.

As far as I am concerned, any perfect day should include a walk in the countryside. Fortunately, my children seem to agree

Fractions

2011-04-11T10:22:00.000+01:00

Johnny has been struggling with fractions. When we sat down to do his homework I could see why. He has been told how to do them but has had no manipulatives to work with at all. Therefore, he thought that 1/5 was bigger than 1/3. He also had been told, but not understood how common denominators work.

Half an hour working with some fraction blocks I bought from the Early Learning Centre a while ago has helped so much. Last night he was struggling to find 2/3's of 6, this morning he was working out 1/3 + 1/4 + 1/5 + ? = 1. He was amazed to find that the lowest common denominator of 3, 4, and 5 is 60! ? is 1/60 by the way!

He is also more confident in working out 5/7 of 49 and all those sorts of questions. What is interesting is that he assembles the blocks and starts by using them but then quickly can see how to complete he question on paper. He is completely accurate as well!

I am so looking forward to getting my hands on the fractions materials at school. I will have to learn all the correct presentations of course but the Montessori materials are far more extensive and can take a child far into the realms of fractions, probably much further than I understand so that will be exciting too!

Three course dinner

2011-04-09T08:36:00.000+01:00

I got home from a long day at school yesterday, feeling hot and hungry.

I had recieved more that one phone call from home making sure that I would be back by 7pm, so I wondered if something was going on!

As I walked in my bag was taken and I was ceremoniously led to my place at the kitchen table, which was carefully and beautifully laid. We had a three course dinner, menu created by Abigail, main chef, Abigail (with a little help from Ed), and her skivvies were Johnny and Livi who peeled carrots and washed potatoes and so on.

The Menu

Smoked Ducks Breast on a bed of Rocket with a Spicey Tomato and Apple Salsa

(sorry, just need to point out that Abi smoked the duck herself using our stove top smoker!)

Roast Chicken, Roast Potatoes and Parsnips, Brocolli and Home-made Gravy

(sorry again, the parsnips came from my sister inlaw's garden!)

Homemade Banana and Vanilla Ice-cream.

(who would have though that mashed banana and cream with a little vanilla would taste so good?)

To Drink - Strawberry Slush

(thats when you whizz up strawberries, a little orange juice and ice until it resembles a slush puppy!)

To finish off we toasted marshmallows in the flames of the chimnea out in the garden.

As Ed said last night.

Life really doesn't get any better.

Please, make him stop!!!

2011-04-06T19:01:00.000+01:00

What is it with eight year old boys? Or maybe just mine in particular.

He will launch into a reminiscance about a tackle or a try or a goal he scored. It will be remembered in great detail as if it happened last week.

Then he will tell me the game was two years ago.

How on earth am I supposed to know, remember or even care? I started off by trying to care but these non-sequitors are a part of my daily, even hourly life with him and he demands to know if I remember, whether I thought the opposition was tough, what colour the other team was wearing.

Crikey. I have enough trouble keeping details of things I want to remember in my brain. I have no extra room for sporting details from two years ago!

Please, I beg him. Stop now. You are making me forget useful stuff.

Then I fall asleep because I am that kind of caring and supportive mother.

Award

2011-04-02T13:17:00.001+01:00

I was given an award by the lovely Melissa, from The New Mommy Files. her blog is an interesting, inspiring and often just downright sweet account of her life with her now one year old daughter and the challenges parenting brings. Melissa is, in many ways, the mother I wish I had been ten years ago at the start of my mothering journey. Her blog is well worth a look, especially if you are interested in Attachment Parenting and/or Montessori education. Thank you Melissa.

!

Now, I am supposed to tell you seven things you didn't know about me and pass the award onto 10-15 other blogs. I am terrible at making decisions and I know that some people hate the whole blog awards thing, so I am going to make a few nominations and everyone just go and say hi and have a look around. If the blogger likes the award they'll do it and if not.... not!

So, first things first.

Seven things you don't know about me.

#1. I cut my hair a lot but really wish it was long.

#2. I drive my husband mad by giving the answer "anything tasty" to the question "What do you want for supper?"

#3. I hate getting wet. That includes swimming, baths and showers. Don't worry though, I do have showers every day, just very quickly!

#4. When I was a little girl I was very good at Ballet. However, so that I didn't feel under pressure my parents didn't tell me that I was any good, nor that my teacher wanted me to audition for the Royal Ballet School. I wish I had known, though. I could have done with a cofidence boost.

#5. I hate fish, alive or dead. I am perfectly happy for them to exist but I don't want them anywhere near me or on my plate. Ugghhh (shivers!)

#6. My husband proposed to me after six weeks. I was 20 he was 30 - dirty old man! I moved in with him 2 weeks later.

#7. I hate being told what to do and will invariably do the opposite, even if it means cutting off my nose to spite my face!

Now, the people I am passing this onto.

Noonie Trousers at And so it goes....

Jules at Muffin Moon

Gigi at Montessori Spanish

Gimky at Once Upon a Snowflake

Cynthia at The Montessori Child At Home

That's it for the moment. If you want to play along then grab the button.

This award was for both my blogs. I know a lot of you pop over from one to the other but just in case you haven't visited The Broad Stair before, go on over, feel free to have a look around. It's my Montessori Teaching blog and things are getting juicy at the moment!

Community

2011-04-02T08:22:00.000+01:00

The road that I live on is an unadopted, unmade-up road. This means that in the winter it gets muddy, in the summer it gets dusty and all year it is pot-holed and not very good for our cars.

We live on the top corner of it, so the section outside our house gets the most traffic of the whole road. We have a mixture of residential and business premises on the road and those who work here but don't live on the road are a lot less careful of how they drive than those of us who do. Not to mention we are more aware that children are playing out there, particularly now it is light in the evenings.

The four householders most effected by the holes and general mess have got together to buy rubble and gravel to put down and fill in the holes and hopefully hold down the dust.

Today is the day. We have our shovels and wheel-barrows at the ready. We are all having a good, BIG breakfast and are ready for some back breaking, uncomfortable work to fill in and surface the road.

Now that's a good community to live in!

Welcome back Gale

2011-03-30T22:00:00.000+01:00

Ed managed to find a green Playmobile dragon just like the lost one on Ebay. As they are no longer made it was a bit of a stretch to hope he might find one but there it was and he managed to get it.

Ed picked Abi up from school today. There was a cardboard box on the passenger chair in the car. He told her to open the box. When she Abi opened the box she was so happy. This Gale is brand new, she has armour and chains and the fire from her mouth hasn't been chewed! New Gale is even better than Old Gale!

Abi posted on her blog. She wrote, "Welcome back Gale. I promise I will look after you from now on."

I don't care that this is slightly bizaare. I don't care that she has swept the fact that Old Gale is still out there, lost, under the carpet. I only care that my girl is happy!

2011-03-29T22:05:00.000+01:00

We didn't send Abi to school today.

We felt that part of her problem yesterday was severe overtiredness. We also felt that a lot of time with a parent would be more beneficial than going back to school straight away.

Instead, she looked at an old building my husband would like to buy and start a drama school in (oh cr*p!) and spent the afternoon making (beef) sausages with Ed and a friend who just happens to have a mincer and sausage machine. Both of those experiences were an education in themselves.

She is still emotional and incredibly up and down. Within seconds she is going from reacting in a reasonable way to screaming and crying because something has upset her. It is pretty easy to get her down but it is wearing. I worry that it is going to get harder. I also worry that there is a mental instability there. I know that all children, girls particularly experience ups and downs at this age but it seems so extreme. On the other hand, maybe it is a normal reaction. I just don't know.

I am hoping beyond all hope that this is a mixture of tiredness, disappointement, hormones (come on period we need you now!) and sadness over losing her beloved dragon, Gail. Don't even ask on that last one, it is a long and tragic tale and I don't have the energy to retell it with the granduer and pathos it requires.

Thank you for your lovely comments yesterday. It makes a big difference to me, as the mother of this lovely but demanding creature, to have the support of you lovely blog friends. It is amazing how a couple of kind and supportive comments can make the day a little more managable.

Bad day

2011-03-28T21:54:00.000+01:00

Sam passed me the phone at four minutes past twelve.

Jagged sobs lurched along the wires and into my ear.

My girl was hurting and couldn't tell anone why. She had been crying for over an hour and could only say that she felt sad.

I drove over and brought her back to school with me where she wrote poem after poem, all about love and loss and sadness and guilt.

All I could do was hold her close and love her.

Earth Hour

2011-03-27T09:25:00.000+01:00

Did you take part in Earth hour?

We had a dinner party last night and only realised during the day that Earth Hour coincided with it. It's funny (or maybe not funny) how often I find I am planning to do two different things but somehow manage to keep them completely separate in my head when they are actually happening at the same time. I suspect most people would call that disorganised!

No matter, we decided to turn off the lights anyway and filled the house with tea lights and candles. It turned out to be a very special evening because of it.

Ed is an amazing cook so we feasted on home-made Bressaola which has been curing in my utility room for a couple of weeks, remoulade (which is a salad made from grated celeriac with grain mustard and something creamy, yet sharp dressing and a beetroot and rocket salad. For the main course we had haggis, clapshot (mashed potato and swede with spring onions) and cabbage with whisky sauce and for pud I made cupcakes!

It made all the difference eating by candle light. We all looked younger and more beautiful and decided that candles are the way forward!!

I have been looking at the Earth Hour website and it looks as if it was a wonderful success.

say thank you

2011-03-26T09:55:00.004Z

Yesterday, my mum and I were sharing a little quality time here at the Tide Mill at Woodbridge. There is a cafe in the building with the black ground floor. We were sitting outside enjoying a pot of tea, the sunshine and some quality gossip.

While we were there a family of mummy, daddy and little girl aged about two years old came and sat at the other end of the bench.

I observed, covertly, as I obsessively do.

All three were very trendily dressed. Little girl was already cranky and in the mood to get her own way. What she wanted was to sit inside. Mummy and Daddy wanted to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine. Little girl was carried screaming out of the cafe where she had selected a table and was climbing onto a very uncomfortable, wrought iron chair.

She was bought a babycino (frothy hot milk). When she wouldn't sit still on the uncomfortable wrought iron bench she was put in her trendy but rather uncomfortable looking push-chair. She wriggled out of that and came and sat under the table near my feet and had a lovely time playing with the gravel.

Suddenly, she was plucked out fron there, told she was very naughty and taken out of sight in her push-chair screaming blue murder. A few minutes later she reappeared and mummy took her out of the push-chair and started ushering her towards me saying to the little girl that she must say sorry to the lady (me).

It took me a little while to realise that the mummy wanted the little girl to say sorry because she had been shovelling the gravel onto my bag and it was now dusty.

I am sure the little girl had no desire to say anything to me, couldn't remember doing anything naughty and had had a thoroughly annoying afternoon.

I ducked down to her level, held out a tissue and asked her if she would like to help me dust my bag off. She shyly accepted and her mummy helped too. All the while mummy was prompting her to say sorry to me. Although the little gorl was mute the entire time I assured the mummy that she had whispered it to me because otherwise she was not going to be allowed to have her drink.

I write all this not to criticise the parents, nor to show what a wonderful human being I am but because it struck me that the crux of all the problems the little girl was experiencing were because her parents had no understanding of how a little persons brain works. They were expecting so much of her and not giving her any lee-way.

It made me sad because I am sure that I made similar mistakes before I had done the Montessori course and gained the insight into a young child's thinking and behaviour. It goes back to respect.

The parents felt that it was their job to teach the little girl, barely more than a baby, that she must do as they wanted all the time, without taking into account that she was hungry and thirsty, clearly hot in the unexpected spring unshine, wanted to sit inside out of the sun, was enjoying a sensory experience with the gravel, did not understand that putting gravel on an unknown ladies bag might not be the best idea and therefore why she should say sorry to the lady, wanted her drink and couldn't see why she was being made to say sorry when she wasn't. In all of that intereaction, with the best will in the world, there was precious little respect for the child.

I wish I knew how to re-educate parents without it looking and sounding like criticism. Maybe actions speak louder that words and the mummy learnt something but I doubt it. We are still so influenced by a strange mixture of children should be seen and not heard and children are the centre of the universe that we have ended up with a very unsatisfactory model for parenting.

The meeting

2011-03-25T11:35:00.003Z

So, we had our meeting with Mr E this morning.

We had only 15 minutes so we went with and agenda, a plan and a stock of phrases to keep us on the straight and narrow to get us to where we needed. It worked!

Our message was that we know Abigail needs extra support but that is why she has us, so allow us (her parents) to support you (her teacher) so she can access the curriculum and fulfil her potential.

I took her Ed Psych report with highlighted passages and reccommendations that would be helpful to Mr E and geography in particular. Mrs S the learning support teacher was there too and she was great in giving Mr E some easy but helpful strategies to help Abi.

We made a couple of agreements about what each party could do to help her. Importantly, one thing I need to do is to help her understand what her part is in this process. It is no good having all the adults running around afte her, it needs to be a three way partnership between us, her parents, the teachers at school, and Abi herself. We will help her fulfil those responsibilites but it is important that she sees and understands what they are.

In that respect I have not helped her this year. However, we are only half way through the year and I am sure that the issues we have been dealing with have been helpful in themselves.

It was a good example of this type of meeting. We were very careful not to point fingers at Mr E and say he is the only teacher with this problem but we did make clear that we will continue to have these meetings for as long as Abi needs us to and as often as she needs us to.

The senior school staff may hate the sight of us by this time next year but we are determined to advocated for and with our daughter to help her fulfil her potential and live a happy life, where she is not mired in low self-esteem and poor confidence becasue we did not have the courage to stand up and fight for her (nicely though!)

Just his luck - a couple of fiercely protective teacher parents!

2011-03-24T20:47:00.001Z

Tomorrow we get our fiftenn minutes with Mr E to try and sort out a way of allowing Abigail to succeed at geography. It is one of her favourite subjects and it only takes a little imagination to tweak things so that she can have a chance to take part and comprehend fully. We emailed him back in september to make sure he understood Abi's challenges and to offer our support in making sure her work was done. To have ignored that offer and to badger her and make her feel even more inadequate and stupid is not acceptable. However, as we not out to make enemies, we will take it as read that he did not approach the problem in the best way and instead move the meeting on swiftly onto how best to help her.

As we have such a short amount of time we are ready to pull the ultimate education-speak phrase out of the bag. It is Abigail's right to be able to access the curriculum fully and Mr E's responsibility to make sure she is given that opportunity. If we as parents do not support her teachers in making sure this is possible we are failing our daughter.

In the nicest possible way, I wouldn't want to be Mr E tomorrow. As Ed said, faced with a couple of fiercely protective teacher parents, what can he do, other than co-operate?!!!

Mwahahahaaaa.

Rights and responsibilities

2011-03-20T21:30:00.002Z

Johnny asked Ed yesterday what gave him (Ed) the right to tell Johnny what to do. It was not asked in the heat of an arguement, nor after a abnormally heated day. It was simply a question that occured to him.

We ended up having a long chat, between the three of us. We came up with some interesting answers, taking in some fabulous questions along the way.

We started with what rights do we have at all - the Fundamental Rights of Man. We got into a discussion about what has to happen in a country in order for those rights to be respected. The word consensus came up and we agreed that the population has to come to a consensus to respect those rights. They might mean that some rights or liberties are taken away but if everyone in the country agrees then it works. An example of this is that in this ountry we do not have the right to bear arms. Only a few people can be granted a gun liscence and they have to prove the use it will be put to. We all agree to this and a consensus is formed. If enough people disagree we have to have a debate and come to a democratic decision. The concept of universal suffrage came up here!

So where does the right to tell your child what to do come into that? was Johnny's next question.

We then talked about responsibilities. We are expected to be responsible for our children and to proetect them, keep them safe and educate them. As the children grow older we have to teach them about balancing rights with responsibilities - to begin with those responsibilities are local in character. They are to do with respect within the family and any other communities the child belongs to - school, synagogue, scouts etc. Each of these organisations have rules. If you choose to belong then you accept the rules, or you work to change them, through gaining a new consensus.

The family is the least easy to work within. It is a constantly changing, living organic thing. You do not choose to belong, you are born into it. There needs to be an underlying theme of respect between all members of the family. I think this is where each family has to find its own way. What works in my family might be hugely uncomfortable in yours.

We came to a couple of conclusions. Love is not enough. Love without boundries is an uncomfortble and possibly damaging thing for a child. Too many boundries are damaging too. Love and the right boundries is what we are looking for. Those boundries are set by the parents because they have the experience, and love and respect for their children and each other. As the children grow older they start to first understand and then become partners in the boundry setting but until a child becomes an adult it is the parents responsibility to ultimately set and enforce them. If the parents did not they would be failing their children.

I have a feeling that this is a conversation we will be returning to, over and over again for the forseeable future.

Do you agree? Does this seem overly harsh or ridiculously libertarian? I would be interested to read others peoples tke on this interesting subject.

D2

2011-03-18T17:41:00.003Z

Abi was taken aside by her for tutor yesterday, to be told that she had been given a D2 in her end of term Geography report and could she explain it.

Let me explain the D2.

The D is for attainment. It is the lowest attainment mark they give at The Abbey and it means that her work is of a less that acceptable standard (and less that the national avarage). An A is outstanding work all the time and a C is satisfactory and the national avarage.

The 2 reflects effort (in the teacher's opinion, which is a highly questionable concept in my opinion as how does a teacher really know how much effort a child is putting in? But I digress) a 2 being satisfactory or more than satisfactory. ! is exceptional effort all the time, 3 is satisfactory and 4 is not enough.

So, back to the D2. This says that despite a good effort Abi is not achieving a passable grade.

We emailed the teacher at the beginning of the year to inform him of Abi's challenges when it comes to copying writing off the board and absorbing information from teachers if they give a lot of information at one time, whether it is written or verbal. She simply cannot take it all in. From Abi's description of Mr E he is an old school "chalk and talk" teacher. Very kind but very boring.

Furthermore, at the beginning of this term I went to a parent/teacher evening where Mr E told me that Abi was a good student and just needed to produce a little more work. No mention of a D.

Ed and I were upset for Abi, who had immediately began beating herself up about this D. She has never, ever got a D before and she has really struggled with subjects like maths and science in the past. We have reassured her that we suspect it is the style of teaching that is the problem and that we are going to have a chat with Mr E and see what we can find out and sort out.

We are upset that we are more than half way through the school year and the problem has been flagged up in such an unsympathetic manner. First to confront her with it out of the blue, secondly to ignore our request at the beginning of the year that we should be informed if there problems so that we could help Abi find a way of overcoming tham and third to leave it so late in the year, after a perfectly good opportunity to talk about it had been missed only weeks before hand.

I don't think we are being unreasonable here. Do you?

Gifts for friends

2011-03-18T09:27:00.002Z

Livi has a couple of birthday parties coming up and, as always, a gift will be expected. Now call me jaded and no fun but I loathe this whole gift giving thing.

Over the years we have had parties and the child has come home with mountains of presents, which, when unwrapped have been not entirely what I would call suitable. One year Johnny was given loads of Power Ranger toys. They weren't even taken out of their packages, they went directly to the local family shelter.

Then there are the "craft sets". Honestly, there is more creativity in a bird dropping. They are so prescriptive and every set ends up looking the same, whether it's jewelry or sewing, it's all pink plastic and fake jewels and no chance for the child to design or create anything unique. They take half an hour to make and then it's all done. The thing that was made falls apart and by the end of the day its in the bin.

Last year I made all of Livi's freinds a more open ended version of these kits, finding boxes and tins that were a little bit quirky and could be re-used for other purposes after all the crafty stuff was used up. If a child was really into writing I made them a writer kit. That's really easy! Some pens, pencils, and fun accessories; cheap, blank cards and envelopes; some ready made books to write in (cut a piece of paper in half and then fold both pieces into a book shape and staple); post-it notes; pavement chalks; mini notebooks and anything else that catches the eye. It can all cost less that £10 and the play value is priceless.

I made one in a toolbox for my nephews and they spent last summer being spies. When I heard about the spy element I sneaked some spy glasses and an invisible pen (with spy light to reveal the writing) into the box. The boys went strataspheric and their writing became amazing through so much practice.

So, having done that for all the children last year, what can I do this year? They are all turning six and I am not going down the "zhuu-zhuu"pet route. Anyway, Livi says that a couple of girls are excited about her present because last years was so much fun.

The pressure!!!

So, what shall I do this year?

So far, I have considered a box of jewelry making equipment - beads, strings, glue and brooch backs but that does not have the immediate lure of the writing kit.

They all love dressing up, so maybe something for that, but they all have every dressing up costume under the sun and would not understand about playsilks. When they come over to play, we have to educate these children!

I'd love to make a den making kit but half of them aren't allowed to make a mess of the house or the garden.....

I am going to potter into town and have a mooch. Maybe inspiration will strike!

What can you suggest? Come on, guys. You are all creative people. What do I get/make for children who have everything?

Rugby

2011-03-15T20:05:00.003Z

My boy loves rugby. He plays it at school and according to many parents who have had the pleasure of watching him play, he is a demon at it.

He has absolutley identified himself as a rugby player and his every spare waking moment is spent reliving his best tries, tackles and moves.

If this is all greek to you then I have to admit I don't fare much better. I suspect it is a game that one has to have played to truly understand and appreciate every little peice of skill. After all, I have never had the pleasure of taking out an opponant twice my size with a well directed and executed tackle. Neither have i worked with my team mates for hours to perfect a line-out or a scrum.

However, on Thursday I am seizing my last chance to see the boy play in his last game of the season. I will be ready with my thermos of hot chocolate, extra thermals and wooly scarf. Shouting for my boy and encouraging him towards the line. I have been warned that he throws himself in tackles without a care for injuries, so I also have an extra large pair of gloves to hide behind!

Next term it will all be about cricket. I can get excited about cricket. It invlolves long, lazy afternoons drinking beer in the hazy English sunshine and applauding politely from time to time.

Anxiety, again.

2011-03-14T21:00:00.004Z

I have made an appointment to go and see the learning support teacher about Abigail. I am hoping she may be able to give me some advice about how to help her because, I have no idea what to do next.

In case you are worrying - there is no major issue right now and we are coping with day to day worries ok.

What I am worried about is the level of anxiety that we have come to accept as normal for Abi. Her brother and sister have much lower levels of anxiety about normal, everyday things, like games lessons, or a supply teacher. If there is a big thing coming up, like exams then they cope with those stresses much better too. However, it is the normal, everyday that is worrying me.

I feel that Abi needs to see someone to talk to, a councellor maybe. Some-one who she feels will listen completely non-judgementally and will take her seriously. I am not trying to wriggle out of responsibility here! I feel though, that my job is to support Abi no matter what happens and to help her work out strategies for coping and all the other things we have done time and again. What I cannot give her is impartial advice or a space that is entirely hers.

For better of worse, she is extremely dependent on me. When I was ill this weekend and needed lots of rest I woke up to find her sobbing inconsolably in her bedroom. I tottered in and managed to get her to come and snuggle in my bed to me where she poured out how scared she was that I might be dangerously ill and then I might die. Although these are normal worries for a ten year old girl, she seems to take it so far beyond it becomes almost unhealthy.

I will never turn her away and I hope I will be here for many years to come but the gift I would love to be able to give her is the ability to put things into perspective. And I am not sure if I can do that, for her.

Over the years we have been told that she is extremely sensitive, over-sensitive and hyper-sensitive. I hate labels and the up-side of a personalilty like this manifests itself in her writing which is absolutley incredible. Part of me wonders if I should interfere becasue it is those individuals who are so open to the world and everything in it that produce the great works of art. However, the personal cost can be so great that the other part of me feels "not my daughter"!

I also want the school to be aware of her struggles to cope with everyday life. If I could persuade Mrs S and then, next year the learning support teacher at the main school to be her councellor then the school would be the first to know of any issues.....

I just don't know. Maybe I am being over protective?

Cocktails at six

2011-03-13T22:24:00.002Z

Last weekend we had a very busy time.

We went up to London and met up with lots of Ed's family to go and see the new production of The Wizard of Oz as a birthday celebration for both his parents who have birthdays two days apart at the beginning of March.

I have to say, the Wizard of Oz would not be my first (or tenth) choice of shows to watch and as it had just opened to terrible reviews I was interested to see if I could guess what the reviewers had objected to. I hadn't read the reviews on purpose! I have to say, it was pretty dreadful, considering the amount of money spent on it. The direction was weak and there were scenes that were terribly boring. The part where Dorothy meets the straw man, the tin man and the lion was dreary. The twister scene was amazing though. it was a mixture of video and scenery and props moving and it was very effective.

The funniest part was the dog. Toto was played by real dogs but there were scenes where a real dog would be in danger and then they used a realistic looking model. Except it had a very loose leg that waggled in a very unrealistic and slightly disturbing manner!

After the show, we separated and Abi and I went with my parents in law to watch a concert that my brother in law Robert was playing in. We had two hours to spare and went in search of somewhere nice to eat. As we were in Knightsbridge we were spoilt for choice.

We settled on a lovely restaurant with a cocktail bar, and so it was that Abi and I found ourselves drinking cocktails (non-alchoholic) at six. It was a lovely time with the grandparents/in-laws, just chatting and having a special time. Just as we were about to sit down to eat we ran into a couple who sponsor Rob's seat in the orchestra. Wendy (my mother in law) introduced me as her daughter and Abi as her grand daughter before correcting herself. I thought it was rather sweet as I know she wishes she had a daughter, although she is very happy with her four boys.

I know Abi loved having such a special time with her grandparents. It was her favourite part of the whole day!

Seriously need advice!

2011-03-12T19:48:00.002Z

Right - codeine does not agree with me. I feel as though someone poured jelly into my legs and sleeping powder into my head. It makes me feel completely cut off from whatever is going on around me and terribly sleepy. Useful at night, seeing as I haven't had a good nights sleep for a couple of weeks!

So - what do I buy that is natural? I have no idea about natural medicines, other than arnica cream. Could arnica tablets help? What else? I need pain killers and anti inflammitories.

Any suggestions welcome!

Pleurisy ..... again

2011-03-11T18:17:00.002Z

So, the doctor agreed that it was Pleurisy, that it is the result of a viral infection and time will do its work. In the meantime, as Iboprofen has not controlled the pain I have Codeine/paracetamol to take. Codeine can have an interesting effect. I have been told not to drive if they make me feel whoozy! The next few weeks could be interesting.

Does anyone have any alternative pain killers to suggest, particularly anti-inflammitaries?

OOOOOWWWW

2011-03-10T21:35:00.003Z

I am going to see the doctor tomorrow. This is not something I like to do and do not do often, however, my husband made the appointment and I don't have much option if I am to remain in his good books. It is very important to remain in my husbands good books because he does all the cooking and he could dish up cabbage soup for a week to "cure" me if I don't go.

Me and my lungs do not have a good relationship. When I met Ed and had just started going out with him (ok, and moving in with him because I did that about six weeks after we became a couple. That's another story, remind me to tell you one day!) I got Pluerisy. When I recovered I got Bronchitis. Ed became convinced that I had problematic lungs and practically faints if I cough. Because of these two lovely infections at the age of 20 I have a gorgeous, sonorous hack, whether it is an infection, a virus or a bit of dust causing the cough!

However, the Pleurisy did leave its mark, or rather a couple of scars on the lining of my right lung. And this week they have hurt. They have hurt so much that I woken, crying in the middle of the night (I am not a cryer, generally speaking) and Iboprofen makes me feel weird. Seeing as it has now been about (exactly) 11 days and it hasn't shifted and I can't/won't take Iboprofen I am being shipped off to see the wizard... er, the doctor.

Not only do I have a painful chest, I also have a tummy bug, courtesy of a child who was brought to school after vomiting because her grandparents wanted to go out. Hmph,

:: edited :: I was worried that no dcctor would want to see me with a bug but Ed got her to call me and she still wants to see me. I'm not sure I feel very happy about that. I was hoping she'd say that it was normal for Pleurisy scars to hurt and take extra strong iboprofen. Bother!

My little hoarder

2011-03-09T20:48:00.003Z

Recently, things have been changing with Livi. She has been growing fast, tall and skinny as if she is stretching every night. Her voice has changed too. It has more modulations to it, more self-awareness. Her bedroom has gone from being kept imaculate to being a complete mess.

This evening I decided to give her a hand with her bedroom. She was adamant she didn't want to help and I could see why - it was a ferret pit. So, I put her in a bubbly bath and attacked.

I took advantage of her being elsewhere and took a bin bag in and quickly piled in all the bits of plastic junk from the front of magazines, broken toys, craft projects that had lost their magic and a revolting pink plastic tree house that my husband bought her and has been slowly disintegrating around the room.

Finally I got to the wardrobe. As I opened the door I was confronted by a pile of cardboard boxes. I picked them up, one at a time and emptied them out, expecting to see more bits of cut up paper and dolls clothes. Instead I found the valentines card I gave to Ed, a trophy Johnny won at a rugby competition, a certificate Abi had won for a verse speaking competition, a letter addressed to Ed, a shoe that belonged to me, a bra of Abi's and all of Johnny's Harry Potter figures.

I suddenly heard a baby elephant crashing down the stairs and a naked, bubbly Liv shot into the room shouting "I think you've done enough muumy, I'll tidy the wardrobe....oh!"

She was so embarrassed. I tried very hard not to say anything to make her feel ashamed. After all, I am fairly sure this is a normal part of childhood and actually a fairly healthy sign. I let her take everything back to the owners room and we had a brief chat about why it is not acceptable to take things that belong to others. She told me she just liked them and we left it at that.

Mu baby..... is not a baby. How peculiar!